Jokes News

This man walked up to this lady and asked her, “Would you sleep with me for $100,000?”

She said, “Yes.”

Then he asked, “would you sleep with me for $5.00?”

She replied, “What do you think I am?”

He replied, “That’s already been deduced, now we’re just bargaining on a price!”

A 15-year-old high school student was hard at work on the kitchen table trying to write a limerick for the school paper’s contest. His grandmother came in to make tea and asked him what he was writing.

“There’s a contest at school for the best limerick. The winner gets published in our school newspaper” replied Jimmy.

“Oh”, Granny smiled, “maybe I can help you. When I was your age, I used to be quite good at making up limericks, although my mother always said they were a bit racy for a proper young lady.”

“That’s great, Granny,” said Jimmy. “Would you tell me one?”

“Oh I’d be embarassed to say one aloud,” blushed Granny, “but I guess I could leave out the parts my mother objected to.”

“OK, Granny, go ahead,” said young Jimmy.

“Well, all right, here goes.”

“A girl spread her legs in
the grass
da da da da da da da da.
Da da da da da da da da da ,
So he fucked her up the ass.”

YO MOMMA SO STUPID SHE GAVE YOUR UNCLE A BLOW JOB BECAUSE HE SAID IT WOULD HELP HIS UNEMPLOYMENT.

Two golfers are waiting their turn on the tee when a naked woman runs across the fairway and into the woods.

Two men in white coats and another guy carrying two buckets of sand are chasing her, and a little old man is bringing up the rear.

One of the golfers grabs the old man and says, “What the hell is going on?”

The old guy says, “She’s a nymphomaniac from an asylum, she keeps trying to escape, and us attendants are trying to catch her.”

The golfer says, “What about the guy with the buckets of sand?”

The old guy says, “That’s his handicap. He caught her last time.”

There were two twins about to be delivered by mother. They were fighting inside the womb over who should go out first.

They were quarrelling over the issue and all of sudden there was a pin-drop silence inside the womb.

One of them murmured, “ss…sh, Keep quiet, Papa is coming in!”

your mama is so stupid she took toilet paper to a crap game.

your mama is so stupid she went to Dr. Dre for a pap smear.

One young boy asks his father

“Father where do I come from?

Father finds it difficult to explain & says, “Well, we bought you from the shopping complex.”

Boy asks, “… & my brother?”

“Well, you see, we also bought him from the shop,” replies father

“…& what about my sister?” asks the boy

“Well, she too is from the same shop.”

The boy is terribly surprised & asks his father,

“Can’t you fuck, Dad?”

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go back to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.

The girl watches him and says, “You must be a dentist.”

The guy, surprised, says, “Yes…how did you figure that out?”

The girl says, “Easy…you keep washing your hands.”

One thing leads to another, and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, “You must be a GREAT dentist.”

The guy, now with a boosted ego, says, “Yes, I sure am a great dentist…How did you figure that out?”

The girl says, “Easy…I didn’t feel a thing!”

Yo momma so poor she can’t pay attention.

Yo mama is so stupid that she dialed 911 on the microwave.

Yo mama is so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo mama is so stupid she got locked in a Grocery store and starved.

Yo mama is so stupid she got locked in the Bathroom and peeded in her pants.