Birthday Jokes

It was 5 o’clock in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks.

The drill sergeant walked in and bellowed, “This is a birthday suit inspection! I wanna see you all formed up outside and butt naked now!”

The soldiers quickly jumped out of bed, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks. The sergeant walked out and yelled, “Close up the ranks and conserve your body heat!” The soldiers complied and moved closer together.

The captain appeared with his swagger stick. He walked up to the first soldier and whacked him right across the chest. “Did that hurt?” he yelled.

“No, Sir!”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a U.S. Marine, Sir!”

The captain then walked up to the next soldier and whacked him right across the chest. “Did that hurt?” he yelled.

“No, Sir!”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a U.S. Marine, Sir!”

The captain was rather impressed with the toughness of the soldiers, so he walked up to a third soldier. The captain noticed that the soldier had an enormous erection, so naturally he gave his target a huge whack with the swagger stick. “Did that hurt?” he yelled.

“No, Sir!”

“Why not?”

“Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!”

Yo Mamma’s so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday!

A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “It’s my birthday. How about a free drink?”

“Sure,” says the barkeep, “the mens’ toilet’s on the right.”

yo momma so damn dumb she lit a match to see if she blew out all the candles on her birthday cake.

yo momma so damn dumb she tried to change the channel on a T.V. dinner.

yo momma so damn dumb she thought the Last Supper was when Jesus ran out of food stamps.

There once was a woman who had never been married. So on her 38th birthday she decided to get herself a dildo.

(keep in mind the sound a vibrating dildo makes.)(brrr…)

So she used the dildo often until one day when she finally met someone.

They went to her place and they started to get their groove on when he asked her what she wanted him to do.

She replied, “Say something sexy to me.”

And the guy said, “Like what?”

“I dunno, something like ‘burrrrrrrrrrrrrr’.”