Jokes News

Q: What is a woman’s favorite thing to get out of a penis?

A: The wrinkles

How do you know a guy’s got a high sperm count?

A. When his dates have to chew before swallowing.

Why did the condom fly?

Because it got pissed off.

On one spring day there was this eighty-five year old man and eighty year old woman who had just gotten married.

On their way to their honeymoon the old man looks at his new bride and thinks to himself, after all these years he is finally going to get laid again.

When they finally arrive at the hotel the old couple starts to unpack. At that time the wife decides to go the bathroom to freshen up. While she is gone the old man keeps going through his mind on after all these years he is finally going to get laid.

When his wife comes out of the bathroom the old man decides that he should go freshen up as well before going to bed. All this time while he is combing what little hair he has he keep thinking on how after all these years he is finally going to get laid.

As he starts to walk toward the bed he comes to a complete halt. He sees that his new wife is on the bed standing on her head with her legs open. He bends to one side and asks, “Dear, what are you doing?”

The wife replies, “Well, dear I figured if you couldn’t get it up you could just drop it in.”

What’s the difference between “Ooooooh!” and “Ouch!”?

A: One inch!

Why does a doctor need to control his temper?

Because he doesn’t want to lose his patients!

What is the difference between your grandmother and a bowling ball?

You’d eat the bowling ball if you had to.

Why do eskimos wash their clothes in tide?

Because it is too cold outtide!!!

Why did Captain Kirk pee on the roof ?

To boldly go where no man has gone before !!!

What do a condom and a coffin have in common?

They both contain stiffs - except one is coming and one is going…