Jokes News

one day a lady went up to her boss and wanted to report him for sexual harrasment.

“so who is harrasing you?”
“well everytime i go to the coffee machine derik tells me how nice ma hair smells”
“well how is that sexual harrasment?” the boss asks
“wel

This post was submitted by maggie.

Funny slideshow about Henry and Erica.

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion School in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!" The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, "Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited." "Well, Father," the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel, and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what has me so excited, Father," replied the nun. "It was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the WALL!!" "What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest. "What did you do?" "Well, I hit the CEILING, Father!!!"

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion School in an advanced state of agitation.

“Father!” she cried, “just WAIT until you hear this!”

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, “Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited.”

“Well, Father,” the nun began, “I was just walking down the hall to the chapel, and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!”

“A serious infraction, indeed!” said the priest.

“But that’s not what has me so excited, Father,” replied the nun. “It was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the WALL!!”

“What an incredible wager!” exclaimed the priest.

“What did you do?”

“Well, I hit the CEILING, Father!!!”

There was class as usual in the fifth grade. In this class all the students would sit on the back except for two shy boys. But today, a boy named Pepito had been talking too much so the teacher told him, he had to sit on the front row.

That day, while the teacher was giving lecture (as always the students were falling asleep) the teacher slipped and fell. By the noise she made when she fell, the students rose to see what had happened. The teacher embarrassed of the situation got up on her feet and pretended nothing happened. While continuing her class, she couldn’t help thinking of what the students in the front row had seen. (she was wearing a mini-skirt and didn’t wear undies)

When class ended, she asked the three boys sitting in front row of class to stay for a little while. She asked the first boy, “Miguel…when I fell, what did you see?”

Miguel full of embarrasement answered, “well…uhm…I swear I only saw as far as your knees. The teacher upset of what she heard replied “for looking at my legs as I fell, I’m giving you two months of suspension”. So off went Miguel.

Then she asked the second boy what he had see when she fell. Pedro answered “teacher, I swear I only saw as high as your stockings reached”. The teacher upset on what he answered said…”I’m giving you four months of suspension”.

Lastly, and very worried, knowing that Pepito was a bad young boy, asked him nervously, “Pepito, tell me what you saw when I slipped, and tell me the truth?”.

Pepito smiling at her said, “I’ll make it easier for you, I’ll see you in a year”.

It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car.

When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

“That’s cool,” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do.

Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby - so he asks Carrie’s Dad to repeat it.

“Yeah,” says Carrie’s father, “Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”

Well, this just made Bobby’s eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good.

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “DAMMIT DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST!!!”

Dan went to his friend’s house, unannounced, and he wanted to spend the night. His friend was sorry that he could not offer him a whole room, so he said, “You can either sleep on the floor in the living room or you can sleep in the room with Baby.”

Dan said that he would prefer the floor.

The next morning, he went to the bathroom, and there he met this gorgeous young blonde. “Hi,” he said, “who are you?”

“I’m Baby, and who are you?”

“I’m stupid,” he said.

A old man walks into the pharmacy he says, “You need to do something about these labels, they are kinda hard to read.”

He said, “I have a prescription for Viagra and one for a laxative. Last night I got them mixed up and I couldn’t tell if I was coming or going.”

Mr. Reiss got himself a new secretary. Maggie was young, sweet and polite. She was also quite witty.

One day while taking dictation, Maggie noticed his fly was open and, on leaving the room, she said “Oh, Mr Reiss, did you know that your barracks door is open?”

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new secretary. Calling her in, he asked “By the way, Miss Bolt, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you see a soldier standing at attention?”

“Why, no, Mr. Reiss,” she replied. “All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two old duffel bags.”

I. A termite walks into a tavern and says: “Where’s the bar tender.”

II. A horse walks into a tavern and says: “Hay, Bartender.”