hippie

An optometrist operates on a hippie painter’s girlfriend and saves her eyesight. The hippie painter is so grateful that he goes to the doctor’s house one day, while the doctor has office hours, goes inside and paints a huge eye on an entire wall of the living room, leaving the fireplace as the pupil of the eye. He’s just finishing up when the doctor walks in.

He says to the doctor, “Well, do you like it man?”

The doctor says, “Yeah, but I’m certainly glad I’m not a gynecologist!”

A hippie boards a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off the bus at the next stop.

When the bus starts on it’s way again, the driver says to the hippie, “I can tell you how to get that nun to have sex with you”.

The hippie says that he’d love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight, the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. “If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask, she would think you are God, and you could command her to have sex with you.”

The hippie decides this is a great idea, so on Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight, sure enough, the nun shows up. While she is in the middle of praying, the hippie jumps out from hiding and says. “I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but first you must make love with me.”

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun. After the hippie finishes he stands up, rips off the mask and shouts, “Ha, Ha, Ha! I’m the hippie!!”

Then the nun jumps up and shouts, “Ha, Ha, Ha! I’m the bus driver!!”

Technology for Country Folk…

1. LOG ON: Makin a wood stove hotter.

2. LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.

3. MONITOR: Keepin an eye on the wood stove.

4. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk.

5. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not kerful gettin the farwood.

6. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much
farwood.

7. RAM: That thar thing whut splits the farwood.

8. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time.

9. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain’t in the winter time.

10. WINDOWS: Whut to shut wen it’s cold outside.

11. SCREEN: Whut to shut wen it’s blak fly season.

12. BYTE: Whut them dang flys do.

13. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV.

14. MICRO CHIP: Whut’s in the bottom of the munchie bag.

15. MODEM: Whut cha did to the hay fields.

16. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix’s wife.

17. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps.

18. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys.

19. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs.

20. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn.

21. MAINFRAME: Holds up the barn roof.

22. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine

23. ENTER: Northerner talk fer “C’mon in y’all”

24. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: Wen ya cain’t ‘member whut ya
paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.

25. MOUSE PAD: That hippie talk fer the rat hole.

Q: Why did the hippie use a penis enlarger?

A: He wanted to increase the peace!

What do you call a thousand hippies jumping out of a plane at the same time?

Acid Rain