Medical Jokes

An optometrist operates on a hippie painter’s girlfriend and saves her eyesight. The hippie painter is so grateful that he goes to the doctor’s house one day, while the doctor has office hours, goes inside and paints a huge eye on an entire wall of the living room, leaving the fireplace as the pupil of the eye. He’s just finishing up when the doctor walks in.

He says to the doctor, “Well, do you like it man?”

The doctor says, “Yeah, but I’m certainly glad I’m not a gynecologist!”

A few days before his proctologic exam, a one-eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for awhile, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor’s office, the man followed the doctor’s instructions, undressed and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man’s rear was that glass eye staring right back at him!

Taken aback, the doctor said, “You know, you really must learn to trust me.”

Why does a doctor need to control his temper?

Because he doesn’t want to lose his patients!

An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that in order to prolong his life, they should cut out sex.

He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation.

One night, after several weeks of this, he decided that life without sex wasn’t worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his wife on the staircase and said, “I was coming to die.”

She laughed and replied, “I was just coming down to kill you!”

A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world’s first professional.

The Doctor said, “It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world’s first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman?”

“No,” said the rabbi. “It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world.”

“Wait,” said the engineer. “The world was created in 6 days from nothing. Do you know what a master engineering feat that must have been to create the whole world into an orgnanized civilized place from utter chaos?”

“Yes, but who created the chaos?” asked the lawyer….