A Few Random Thoughts
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Loading ...If foreign films are so good, how come they don’t make them in this country?
Definition of an optimist: an accordian player with a beeper.
Old age is when you tell a friend you’re having an affair and he says, “That’s wonderful! Who’s the caterer?”
Part of the trouble with doing nothing in life is that you never know when you’re through.
Tractor pulls were invented so professional wrestling fans would have someone to look down on.
Opieology: a religion based on the writings of L. Ron Howard.
My gerontologist says sex at 65 is OK, but it’s better if you pull over to the side of the road.
The nice thing about egomaniacs is they don’t go around talking about other people.
If two teens can breed in the back seat of a Volkswagen, why do spotted owls need 2,000 acres?
I hear Congress is now ready to join the war on corruption. Anyone know on which side?
I don’t understand opposition to a five day waiting period for a handgun. I had to wait six weeks for my sofa.
A Yogi once refused Novocain for a tooth extraction. He wanted to transcend dental medication.
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of Congress?
Do country singers write “John Deere” letters?
Postal workers used to fret over how much a magazine weighs. Now they worry about how many rounds a magazine holds.
Is it true that Beverly Hills Communists are called “Neiman Marxists?”
My girlfriend calls me her “Melancholy Baby.” Finally she told me why: I have a head like a melon and a face like a collie.
Overheard in a gay bar: “You mean you were in the closet for 20 years and you came out wearing that?”
Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about his mother’s cooking.
