shark

Things You’d Never Know If It Weren’t For The Movies:

Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.

One of a pair of identical twins is evil.

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

It doesn’t matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one…dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.

If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, heiroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.

Honest and hard-working policemen are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach up to the armpits of a woman but only to the waist of the man lying beside her.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.

It’s easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.

The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down.

If someone says “I’ll be right back”, they won’t.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in your head.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

Three blondes stranded on an island decide to go and have a contest to see who can swim the farthest.

Well the first can only go 5 miles she got tired and slowly sank down, no more of her.

The second blonde goes and got 18 miles and a shark came along and snagged her and took her under.

The third blonde had sense and didn’t go. So then she goes to her purse and pulls out a cell phone and calls the local rescue station. That doesn’t work so she hops in her car and drives across the bridge.

OFFICIAL BABY BOOMER EXAM
Answers below

1. “Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________.”

2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was
“Turn on; tune in;________________.”

3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into
the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, “Who was
that masked man?” Invariably, someone would answer,
“I don’t know, but he left this behind.” What did he leave
behind?__________________

4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and roll.
One of the most memorable folk songs included these
lyrics: “When the rooster crows at the break of dawn,
look out your window and I’ll be gone. You’re the reason
I’m travelling on,_______________________.”

5. A group of protesters arrested at the Democratic con-
vention in Chicago in 1968 achieved cult status, and were
known as the ________________.

6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we
all watched them on the ________________show.

7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by
burning our ________________.

8. We all learned to read using the same books. We read
about the thrilling lives and adventures of Dick and Jane.
What was the name of Dick and Jane’s dog?______

9. The cute, little car with the engine in the back and the
trunk (what there was of it) in the front, was called the
VW. What other name(s) did it go by? ___________ &
________________

10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names
the ________________and the ________________.

11. In the seventies, we called the drop-out nonconformists
“hippies.” But in the early sixties, they were known as
________________.

12. William Bendix played Chester A. Riley, who always
seemed to get the short end of the stick in the
television program, “The Life of Riley.” At the end of
each show, poor Chester would turn to the camera and
exclaim, “What a ________________.”

13. “Get your kicks, ________________.”

14. “The story you are about to see is true. The names
have been changed ________________.”

15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis
a special way: ________________.

16. “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.”

17. That “adult” book by Henry Miller - the one that con-
tained all the “dirty” dialogue - was called _________.

18. Today, the math geniuses in school might walk around
with a calculator strapped to their belt. But back in the
sixties, members of the math club used a _________.

19. In 1971, singer Don Maclean sang a song about “the day
the music died.” This was a reference and tribute to
________________.

20. A well-known television commercial featured a driver
who was miraculously lifted through thin air and into the
front seat of a convertible. The matching slogan was
“Let Hertz ________________.”

21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we
“danced” under a stick that was lowered as low as we
could go in a dance called the ________________.

22. “N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best ________.”

23. In the late sixties, the “full figure” style of Jane
Russell and Marilyn Monroe gave way to the “trim” look,
as first exemplified by British model ________________.

24. Sachmo was America’s “ambassador of goodwill.” Our
parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us.
His name was ________________.

25. On Jackie Gleason’s variety show in the sixties, one of
the most popular segments was “Joe, the Bartender.”
Joe’s regular visitor at the bar was that slightly off-
center, but lovable character, ________________. (The
character’s name, not the actor’s.)

26. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit.
The Russians did it; it was called ________________.

27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?__________.

28. One of the big fads of the late fifties and sixties was a
large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist; it
was called the ________________.

29. The “Age of Aquarius” was brought into the mainstream
in the Broadway musical ________________.

30. This is a two-parter: Red Skelton’s hobo character (not
the hayseed; the hobo) was ________________.
Red ended his television show by saying, “Good night,
and ________________.”

ANSWERS

1. “Kookie; Kookie; lend me your comb.” If you said “ears,”
you’re in the wrong millennium, pal; you’ve spent way
too much time in Latin class.

2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was “Turn
on; tune in; drop out.” Many people who proclaimed
that 30 years ago today are Wall Street bond traders
and corporate lawyers.

3. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. Several of
you said he left behind his mask. Oh, no; even off the
screen, Clayton Moore would not be seen as the Lone
Ranger without his mask!

4. “When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out
your window and I’ll be gone. You’re the reason I’m
travelling on; Don’t think twice, it’s all right.”

5. The group of protesters arrested at the Democratic
convention in Chicago in 1968 were known as the
Chicago seven. As Paul Harvey says, “They would like
me to mention their names.”

6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we
all watched them on the Ed Sullivan Show.

7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by
burning our draft cards. If you said “bras,” you’ve got
the right spirit, but nobody ever burned a bra while I
was watching. The “bra burning” days came as a by-
product of women’s liberation move- ment which had
nothing directly to do with the Viet Nam war.

8. Dick and Jane’s dog was Spot. “See Spot run.”
Whatever happened to them? Rumor has it they have
been replaced in some school systems by “Heather Has
Two Mommies.”

9. It was the VW Beetle, or more affectionately, the Bug.

10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names
the Sharks and the Jets. West Side Story.

11. In the early sixties, the drop-out, non-conformists were
known as beatniks. Maynard G. Krebs was the classic
beatnik, except that he had no rhythm, man; a beard, but
no beat.

12. At the end of “The Life of Riley,” Chester would turn to
the camera and exclaim, “What a revolting development
this is.”

13. “Get your kicks, on Route 66.”

14. “The story you are about to see is true. The names have
been changed to protect the innocent.”

15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis
a special way: shaken, not stirred.

16. “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.”

17. That “adult” book by Henry Miller was called Tropic of
Cancer. Today, it would hardly rate a PG-13 rating.

18. Back in the sixties, members of the math club used a
slide rule.

19. “The day the music died” was a reference and tribute to
Buddy Holly.

20. The matching slogan was “Let Hertz put you in the
driver’s seat.”

21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we
“danced” under a stick in a dance called the Limbo.

22. “N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best………..
chooo-c’late.” In the television commercial, “chocolate”
was sung by a puppet - a dog. (Remember his mouth
flopping open and shut?)

23. In the late sixties, the “full figure” style gave way to the
“trim” look, as first exemplified by British model Twiggy.

24. Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with
us. His name was Louis Armstrong.

25. Joe’s regular visitor at the bar was Crazy Googenhiem.

26. The Russians put the first satellite into orbit; it was
called Sputnik.

27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? A Timex
watch.

28. The large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist
was called the hula-hoop.

29. The “Age of Aquarius” was brought into the mainstream
in the Broadway musical “Hair.”

30. Red Skelton’s hobo character was Freddie the Free-
loader. (Clem Kaddiddlehopper was the “hay seed.”)
Red ended his television show by saying, “Good night,
and may God bless.”

A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. “I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.”

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the mic and says, “I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?” the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the mic and says, “Why don’t we start with the name of the idiot that pushed me in!”

*Why do Bees hum?
Because they don’t know the words.

*Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.

*What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A Woolly Jumper.

*Why do birds fly south in autumn?
Because it is too far to walk.

*What is yellow and very dangerous?
Sharkinfested custard.

*What has an eye and doesn’t cry?
A needle.

* When does Thursday come before Wednesday?
In a dictionary.

*What has wings and doesn’t fly?
A hotel.

*Which is faster hot or cold?
Hot is faster you can easily catch cold.