joe jack

Joe asked his friend Jack to stand in front of his car and tell him if his directional blinker lights were working.

Watching ever so cautiously, Jack replied, “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no!”

It was the year for Jack’s class reunion, and he thought he would go to see his old friend Joe. He thought that Joe would be there so he would go, too.

When Jack got there, he was looking around for Joe. He could see everybody else, but not Joe. But he did see a really beautiful woman that he didn’t know. He thought he might go over and talk to her.

When he got near the woman, she said,”Jack don’t you remember me?”

Jack said, “No, I don’t believe we’ve met.”

The woman said, “I’m Joe.”

Jack said, “Joe!? What happened. Did it hurt. Let’s go over to the table so you can tell me everything.”

So they were at the table and Jack is asking if it hurt and Joe said, “Most of it didn’t hurt. The only part that hurt was the part when they had to drill a hole in my head to take out half my brain!”

OFFICIAL BABY BOOMER EXAM
Answers below

1. “Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________.”

2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was
“Turn on; tune in;________________.”

3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into
the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, “Who was
that masked man?” Invariably, someone would answer,
“I don’t know, but he left this behind.” What did he leave
behind?__________________

4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and roll.
One of the most memorable folk songs included these
lyrics: “When the rooster crows at the break of dawn,
look out your window and I’ll be gone. You’re the reason
I’m travelling on,_______________________.”

5. A group of protesters arrested at the Democratic con-
vention in Chicago in 1968 achieved cult status, and were
known as the ________________.

6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we
all watched them on the ________________show.

7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by
burning our ________________.

8. We all learned to read using the same books. We read
about the thrilling lives and adventures of Dick and Jane.
What was the name of Dick and Jane’s dog?______

9. The cute, little car with the engine in the back and the
trunk (what there was of it) in the front, was called the
VW. What other name(s) did it go by? ___________ &
________________

10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names
the ________________and the ________________.

11. In the seventies, we called the drop-out nonconformists
“hippies.” But in the early sixties, they were known as
________________.

12. William Bendix played Chester A. Riley, who always
seemed to get the short end of the stick in the
television program, “The Life of Riley.” At the end of
each show, poor Chester would turn to the camera and
exclaim, “What a ________________.”

13. “Get your kicks, ________________.”

14. “The story you are about to see is true. The names
have been changed ________________.”

15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis
a special way: ________________.

16. “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ________________.”

17. That “adult” book by Henry Miller - the one that con-
tained all the “dirty” dialogue - was called _________.

18. Today, the math geniuses in school might walk around
with a calculator strapped to their belt. But back in the
sixties, members of the math club used a _________.

19. In 1971, singer Don Maclean sang a song about “the day
the music died.” This was a reference and tribute to
________________.

20. A well-known television commercial featured a driver
who was miraculously lifted through thin air and into the
front seat of a convertible. The matching slogan was
“Let Hertz ________________.”

21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we
“danced” under a stick that was lowered as low as we
could go in a dance called the ________________.

22. “N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best ________.”

23. In the late sixties, the “full figure” style of Jane
Russell and Marilyn Monroe gave way to the “trim” look,
as first exemplified by British model ________________.

24. Sachmo was America’s “ambassador of goodwill.” Our
parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us.
His name was ________________.

25. On Jackie Gleason’s variety show in the sixties, one of
the most popular segments was “Joe, the Bartender.”
Joe’s regular visitor at the bar was that slightly off-
center, but lovable character, ________________. (The
character’s name, not the actor’s.)

26. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit.
The Russians did it; it was called ________________.

27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?__________.

28. One of the big fads of the late fifties and sixties was a
large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist; it
was called the ________________.

29. The “Age of Aquarius” was brought into the mainstream
in the Broadway musical ________________.

30. This is a two-parter: Red Skelton’s hobo character (not
the hayseed; the hobo) was ________________.
Red ended his television show by saying, “Good night,
and ________________.”

ANSWERS

1. “Kookie; Kookie; lend me your comb.” If you said “ears,”
you’re in the wrong millennium, pal; you’ve spent way
too much time in Latin class.

2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was “Turn
on; tune in; drop out.” Many people who proclaimed
that 30 years ago today are Wall Street bond traders
and corporate lawyers.

3. The Lone Ranger left behind a silver bullet. Several of
you said he left behind his mask. Oh, no; even off the
screen, Clayton Moore would not be seen as the Lone
Ranger without his mask!

4. “When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out
your window and I’ll be gone. You’re the reason I’m
travelling on; Don’t think twice, it’s all right.”

5. The group of protesters arrested at the Democratic
convention in Chicago in 1968 were known as the
Chicago seven. As Paul Harvey says, “They would like
me to mention their names.”

6. When the Beatles first came to the U.S. in early 1964, we
all watched them on the Ed Sullivan Show.

7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by
burning our draft cards. If you said “bras,” you’ve got
the right spirit, but nobody ever burned a bra while I
was watching. The “bra burning” days came as a by-
product of women’s liberation move- ment which had
nothing directly to do with the Viet Nam war.

8. Dick and Jane’s dog was Spot. “See Spot run.”
Whatever happened to them? Rumor has it they have
been replaced in some school systems by “Heather Has
Two Mommies.”

9. It was the VW Beetle, or more affectionately, the Bug.

10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names
the Sharks and the Jets. West Side Story.

11. In the early sixties, the drop-out, non-conformists were
known as beatniks. Maynard G. Krebs was the classic
beatnik, except that he had no rhythm, man; a beard, but
no beat.

12. At the end of “The Life of Riley,” Chester would turn to
the camera and exclaim, “What a revolting development
this is.”

13. “Get your kicks, on Route 66.”

14. “The story you are about to see is true. The names have
been changed to protect the innocent.”

15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis
a special way: shaken, not stirred.

16. “In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight.”

17. That “adult” book by Henry Miller was called Tropic of
Cancer. Today, it would hardly rate a PG-13 rating.

18. Back in the sixties, members of the math club used a
slide rule.

19. “The day the music died” was a reference and tribute to
Buddy Holly.

20. The matching slogan was “Let Hertz put you in the
driver’s seat.”

21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we
“danced” under a stick in a dance called the Limbo.

22. “N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best………..
chooo-c’late.” In the television commercial, “chocolate”
was sung by a puppet - a dog. (Remember his mouth
flopping open and shut?)

23. In the late sixties, the “full figure” style gave way to the
“trim” look, as first exemplified by British model Twiggy.

24. Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with
us. His name was Louis Armstrong.

25. Joe’s regular visitor at the bar was Crazy Googenhiem.

26. The Russians put the first satellite into orbit; it was
called Sputnik.

27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking? A Timex
watch.

28. The large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist
was called the hula-hoop.

29. The “Age of Aquarius” was brought into the mainstream
in the Broadway musical “Hair.”

30. Red Skelton’s hobo character was Freddie the Free-
loader. (Clem Kaddiddlehopper was the “hay seed.”)
Red ended his television show by saying, “Good night,
and may God bless.”

Three ants, Joe, Bob, and Billy, were living in an ant hill right in the middle of a woman’s yard. They were sleeping peacefully, until they were suddenly awakened by water rushing down and flooding the hill. The three friends barely escaped.

Having lost their home, they decided to enter the house and find somewhere to sleep. They walked into the woman’s bedroom, and began talking over their “room” assignments.

Joe had decided to sleep in one of the woman’s nostrils. “I ain’t gonna sleep in the other nostril!” said Bob. “Even her butthole is better than that!” Having heard that, Billy said, “Well, I guess I’m stuck with the pussy.”

The next morning the ants got together and began discussing their nights. “Wow, that nostril was the best! I liked that gentle breeze going in and out!”, said Joe. Jack looked angry and said, “Man, my night was horrible! It smelled terrible in there and I was shoveling dirt all night!” Billy looked at Bob and said, “You think your night was bad?! Some friggin bald headed guy with purple face paint kept coming in and out… and the last time he came in, HE SPAT ALL OVER ME!!!!!!”

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”
The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.”
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.”
“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?”
“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter.
“While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”