Th th th Jokes - page 69

The Blonde and the Milkman

This blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, “I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?”…

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Concerned Father

A father was concerned about how his 7 year old son was becoming an habitual liar. He went to see a child psychiatrist and told him about the problem. After hearing all the father had to say, the doctor said,”Go home and tell your son the biggest lie that you can come up with. When he realizes how much of a lie you have just told him, it will break him of the habit.” So the man went home and…

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Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating, “which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really quite pretty.” Another agrees, and so does the third, but the bartender, bringing a new round of drinks to their table, overhears their rating of the young lass, checks her…

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The Amazing Compilation Wish Completer Survey Quiz

This Amazing Compilation Wish Completer Survey Quiz is quite astounding. One young man in Grasklebakistaninopleopolis recieved a brand new goat for simply filling out this survey and taking the quiz. TRY IT YOURSELF, IT WILL REVEAL EVERYTHING BURRIED IN YOUR SOUL!!! **Full name: It is spelled George Robertson, but pronounced Franklin O’Henry Ftang Ftang Ole Biscuit-barrel **Nickname: The Pope **Favorite color out of, muave, off-white, Asia Minor, Cindy Crawford: Elm Tree **Favorite drink, mountain dew or crab juice? Parlezvous Frances?…

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‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPEACHMENT

‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPEACHMENT December 17, 1998 ‘Twas The Night Before Impeachment, when all through the House, All the Congress was stirring, even Conyers, the louse. The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care, In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair. The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds, While visions of perjury danced in their heads. And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap, Had just settled in for a…

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The kind grandma

One day a guy was driving in his car when it broke down. He saw a house and it was raining so he decided to ask if he could stay for the night. So he knocked on the door and a grandma came to the door and he asked if he could stay the night. The Grandma said yes and took him to a room. This room had clothes hanging down and it scratched and tickled his face, so he…

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The Wrong Clown At your kid’s birthday party…

118. By the end of the party, he’s got every damn kid doing the “pull my finger” trick. 17. Clown car must be started with a Breathalyzer device. 16. Keeps screaming, “My name’s not BO-zo, it’s bo-ZO!” 15. References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds. 14. Props for his “disappearing” trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV. 13. Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the “Severed Limb” trick. 12. Tells the kids he…

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The Rules

1. The female always makes the rules. 2. The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. 3. No male can possibly know all the rules. 4. If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules. 5. The female is never wrong. 6. If the female appears to be wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male…

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Footprints in the sand, and…

One night I had a wondrous dream, One set of footprints there was seen, The footprints of my precious Lord, But mine were not along the shore. But then some stranger prints appeared, And I asked the Lord, “What have we here?” Those prints are large and round and neat, “But Lord, they are too big for feet.” “My child,” He said in somber tones, “For miles I carried you alone. I challenged you to walk in faith, But you…

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