Th th th Jokes - page 66

The Silent Air Trip

A man and his wife always loved to go on the helicopter rides at the carnival, but they didn’t like the $10.00 per ride. So the man started negotiating with the pilot. Finally, the pilot agreed to let them fly for free ONLY if they could last the entire flight without making a single sound. So the helicopter took off. The pilot tried swerving and sudden stops, even 360 spins, but the whole time, he didn’t hear a peep out…

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mother teresa

You know you’re in trouble when your standing behind Mother Teresa at the pearly gates and God is sending good people to heaven and bad people to hell. And God says to her, “You know, you should have done more.”

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Why Cucumbers are Better than Men

The average cucumber is at least six inches long Cucumbers stay hard for a week A Cucumber won’t tell you that size doesn’t count Cucumbers don’t get too excited A Cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety Cucumbers are easy to pick up You can fondle Cucumbers in the supermarket…and you know how firm it is before you take one home Cucumbers can get away any weekend With a Cucumber you can get a single room…and you won’t have to check…

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The Rev. Makes a Deal

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when the bride…

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Telling the Story

An inter-office softball game was held every year between the Marketing and Support Staff of one company. The Support Staff whipped the Marketing Department soundly. To show just “how” the Marketing Department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game: “The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 1999 Softball Season, we finished in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season,…

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Anything but THAT

A student comes to a young professor’s office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels in front of him, looks up into his eyes, pleadingly, and says, “I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair and gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers in her low, sexy voice, ” … I would do…*ANYTHING*!!!” He returns her gaze. “Anything?” “Yes … Anything!!!” His voice turns into a sexy…

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Preps for the test

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises you will be totally prepared for the test. And, best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in your own home. EXERCISE #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of…

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10 things Women won’t say, but Men would love to hear

10. You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately. I don’t blame you for ignoring me. 9. The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday. 8. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they’ll still cover. 7. Bar food again?? Kick ass!! 6. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has…

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The Man and The Bartender

A man walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender, slams his fist on the bar, and says, “Bartender, give me a drink before the fight!” The bartender looks at him suspiciously, but pours him a drink anyway. The man drinks it as fast as he can then slams his fist on the table again, demanding, “Bartender, give me a drink before the fight!” “What fight?” says the bartender as he hands the man another drink. The man…

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