Th th th Jokes - page 71

The allure of Portia

Fred was walking down the street, when his best friend Joe pulled up in a brand new Porsche. “Where the hell did you get the Porsche?” Fred asked in disbelief. “Well,” Joe replied, “Last night I was at a bar and started dancing with this girl. When the bar closed, she motioned for me to follow her. We jump in her Porsche, and drive off into the mountains. She stops, jumps out of the car, takes off all her clothes,…

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Three Doctors

Three surgeons were at lunch one day having a conversation about what they liked the most about operating. The first surgeon said: “I like operating on accountants because their insides are numbered.” The second surgeon said: “I enjoy operating on librarians because their insides are in alphabetical order.” The third doctor said: “I really love to operate lawyers becasue they are spineless, heartless, gutless, and best of all, their heads and asses are interchangeable.”

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Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam

NAME:____________ GANG:____________ 1. Johnny has an AK47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each driveby shooting, how many driveby shootings can he attend before he has to reload? 2. Rufus is pimping for 3 girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 a day crack habit? 3. Jerome wants to cut his…

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Read JokeLos Angeles High School Math Proficiency Exam

Three blondes on a building

There were three blondes on a building and each one of them was going to commit suicide because they couldn’t take anymore blonde jokes. The first blonde jumps and it takes 3 months to scrape her off of the side walk. The second blonde jumps and it takes 6 months to scrape all of her off the road. Finally the 3rd blonde jumps and lands on a seatless bycicle, and it takes 5 years to get the smile off of…

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The Rabbit Next Door

This is a TRUE story! These people owned a dog and their neighbor, a rabbit. When ever the neighbors put their rabbit outside, the people with a dog would have to bring their dog in. One day the people with the dog came dome and found the dog with a filthy, DEAD, rabbit in its mouth! So they did the only thing they could do, wash it, blow dry it, fluff up the fur and put it back in the…

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Can I use the car?

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a Rabbi, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your Torah a little and get your hair cut and we’ll talk about it.” After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss…

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Another True DMV Story

After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register. “Cash or charge?” the clerk asked. “Cash,” I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness, I explained, “I’ve spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau.” “Shall I giftwrap the bat?” the clerk asked sweetly. “Or…

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Read JokeAnother True DMV Story