Th th Jokes - page 551

Tony & Leo

Two racehorses, Tony and Leo, always ran against each other in races. The results were always the same with Tony coming in first and Leo second. One day after losing again Leo says: “Hey Tony! How about next time you let me win? I’m tired of always coming in second.” To which Tony replies: “Well, okay, just this once.” The next day they line up at the gate, the guns goes and they are off. Leo is pouring his whole…

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Not ALL blondes are dumb

This blonde decided that she was sick and tired of all the “Blondes are dumb” jokes, so she decided she would prove “NOT all blondes are dumb”. She thought and thought on what she could do. Finally, she came up with an idea. She would memorize every state capital. She spent weeks memorizing them. When she learned them all, she was so proud! She told her boyfriend what she had been studying! She told him, “Ask me, ask me, ANY…

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Moses and Bush

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long, flowing, white robe with a long, flowing, white beard and flowing, white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, “Aren’t you Moses?” The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling. George W. positioned himself more directly in the man’s view and asked again, “Aren’t you Moses?” The man…

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Dental Difficulties

A man went to his dentist to complain about his false teeth. The dentist, after a careful exam, asked, “What have you been eating? Your entire upper plate has eroded since I gave you these teeth just a few weeks ago.” “The only thing I can imagine is that recently my wife served me some asparagus with Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much that I now eat it everyday on everything–toast, meat, vegetables, fish–everything!” “Well,” said the dentist, “that…

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Too Much Information

An applicant was filling out a job application form. When he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?” he wrote, “No.” The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was “Why?” The applicant answered it anyway: “Never got caught.”

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More Questions to Ponder

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? What do chickens think we taste like? What do people in China call their good plates? What do you call a male ladybug? What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who…

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Dynamite

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says “See that baby? That’s 1000 pounds of dynamite!” She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder pose and says, referring to his thighs, “See these,…

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