Cherry Pie
Little Jack Horner Sat in a corner Eating his sister Mary. He stuck in his thumb And pulled out a plum And said, “Where the fuck is her cherry?
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Th th th Jokes - page 429
Two Ropes
Two ropes are walking down the street and see a bar. So the first rope goes into the bar, sits down at a stool, and orders something to drink. The bartender growls, “Are you one of dem ropes?” And the rope replies,”Well, yes, I am.” The bartender yells, “Well, we don’t serve your kind!” And he twirls up the rope and throws him out onto the street. The second rope gets pretty worried and thinks, “I better disguise myself.” So…
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Dad’s Practical Jokes
Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…
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Trick doggie style
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever… well, you know… does she… well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two. “Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.” “Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?” “Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she’s most likely to roll over and play dead.”
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Bricklayer’s Poor Planning
This is a bricklayer’s accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation Board. This is this Bricklayer’s report … a true story. Dear Sir; I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put “Poor Planning” as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer…
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Avid Golfer
A couple met at Myrtle Beach and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue their relationship after their vacations were over. “It’s only fair to warn you, Linda,” he said. “I’m a golf nut. I live…eat…sleep…and breathe golf.” “Well,…” Linda said, “Since you’re being honest, so will I. You see, I’m a hooker.” “I see,” he said pensively. Then, he smiled and said…”It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”
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Martoonie
A lady who had already had several drinks, walks into a bar, slumps on the bar and asks the bartender for a “martoonie wid a pickle in it”. The bartender somewhat amused by her request, fixes her a martini and places an olive in it. As soon as the bartender places the drink in front of the lady, she picks up the glass, downs the drink, slams the glass on the bar and says “Bartender, gimme anoder martoonie wid a…
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Where’s God?
Two little boys live in a small town and whenever there’s trouble the local folks know these two boys done it. So finally the parents had enough and decided to talk to the preacher. “Preacher, what can we do?” the mother asked. The preacher asked to send him the youngest of the 2. They did so. The preacher asked the young boy, “Where’s God?” The little boy didn’t know. “One more time, boy, WHERES GOD?” Well the boy was so…
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Empty Beer Bottles
Why does the blonde keep empty beer bottles in her refrigerator? They’re for her guests who don’t drink.
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Olympic misunderstanding
So a guy goes to Sydney where the Olympic competitors are trying out, and sees someone carrying a long pole. “Are you a pole-vaulter?” the man asks. “No, I’m German. But how did you know my name is Walter?!”
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