Th th th Jokes - page 287

drunk joke #2

A drunk walking down the street, one foot on the curb, one on the street, one foot on the curb, one on the street, one foot on the curb, one on the street. A cop asked him, “Sir, are you drunk?” Drunk said, “THANK GOD, I THOUGHT I WAS CRIPPLED!”

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Travelling Trio

One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a lawyer all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighboring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in, free of charge. They complained a bit, but…

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Ooops! Sorry, My Mistake

A middle aged woman is on the operating table for bypass surgery when she has a near-death experience. She is floating above the room and sees God. “Excuse me, God,” she says, “Is this the end?” “Oh no, my dear,” says God. “You have another forty years to live.” When she recovers, she decides to remain in the hospital for a complete makeover, knowing she’s going to be around for another forty years. She gets a face-lift, liposuction, tummy tuck,…

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I won!

A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee a sits down to drinking it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peal off prize. She pull off the tab and yells, “I WON! I WON! I WONa motor home; I WON a motor home!” The waitress runs over and says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!” The blonde replies, “No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!”…

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DESERT HEAT

A cowboy & Indian scout been in the desert for a while. Indian travel on foot & tracked on this mission. Job completed, headed for town. Closer they got, the cowboy thought about how good a cold beer would taste, so he road faster & faster. Tried not to overheat the horse or his Indian companion. When they got to the saloon, the horse was lathered with sweat & heat. No air stirring & worried his horse would die, he…

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What’s for Dinner?

Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. The first guy said, “My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won’t let me do any work around the house. It’s incredible.” The second guy says, “That’s nothing. My wife thinks I’m God.” “She thinks you’re God? What makes you say that?” “Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me.”

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Interview Question

Martin was being interviewed for a new job. The person conducting the interview wanted to find out something about his personality, so he asked, “If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?” Without hestitation, Martin responded, “The living one, of course!”

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Positive Identification!!!

U.S. actress Sharon Mitchell, heroine of the X-rated film “Captain Lust,” once experienced difficulty getting a check cashed at a New York bank because she didn’t have her driver’s license or other means of identification with her. She did, however, have a magazine containing a nude picture of herself. Handing the magazine to the teller, she lifted her sweater up to her chin and struck the same pose. The check was cashed.

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