Th th th Jokes - page 285

You might be a redneck if……

1) You might be a redneck if your family reunion is held at a rest area. 2) If your wife says “Billy-Bob, take the carburetor out of the car so I can take a bath,” you might be a redneck. 3) If you think the last three words of the national anthem is “start your engines.” 3) You might be a redneck if your family is half your town’s population! 4) You might be a redneck if you want to…

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Kiwi Joke

Two Kiwi’s are working on a building site in Auckland. Phul (Phil) & Muck (Mick). Anyway Phul turns to Muck & says, “Cawww I’ve gotta take a piss, but there’s nowhere to go, eh.” “Walk out to the ind of thit plank,” replies Muck. “I’ll stand on this ind & balance ut.” “Are you sure, Muck?” “Yis, no worries” “100%?” “YIS!” So out goes Phul to take a piss & the lunch siren sounds, Muck forgets what he’s supposed to…

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PROM DRESS

Julie Adams had just turned Sweet Sixteen and was praying that Jeff would ask her to the Junior Prom. When he finally did, it was the happiest day in her life. She told her mother she would need a strapless dress for the Prom, so Mrs. Adams loaned Julie her credit card and sent her off to Gowns Unlimited for the purchase. Julie picked up her new dress the morning of the Prom and it was perfect. Her only concern…

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Brass Rat

A man walks into a Chinese shop, looking at all of the curious, exotic things in there. He sees a brass rat sitting on a shelf, and asks the shop keeper how much it is. The shop keeper says, “Ten dollars for rat, one thousand dollars for story about rat”. The man replies, “Well, here’s ten bucks for the rat, keep your dumb story”. “You’ll be back!”, the shop keeper said with a knowing, evil laugh. The man left the…

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Save Me, Sister!

Two miliary policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from the military base. The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent. He saw a nun seated on a round bench beneath a tree quietly reading a book. He said to her, “Quick Sister, please hide me. I don’t want to be drafted, and the M.P.’s are chasing me!” She lifted up her skirt and said, “Quick! Hide under here.” The two policemen came by and asked if she had seen…

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Drunken Sex Slave

One day there was a guy sitting in a bar. He kept asking for small shots of vodka, and every time he drank one he would look in his pocket. So of course he asked the bartender for another vodka. The bartender did not think much of it at first when he looked in his pocket again. Then guy asked for two more vodkas and then looked in his pocket, the bartender started to get a little suspicious. Then he…

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How You Spend Your ‘DASH’

I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombsone From the beginning…to the end. He noted that first came her date of birth And spoke the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years. (1900-1970) For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth.. And now only those who loved her Know…

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Read JokeHow You Spend Your ‘DASH’