Ra ra ra Jokes - page 65

Two French brothers were in England, visiting long-lost relatives, their very sophisticated English cousins. Having high tea with Lady Windham, Pierre was making chit-chat: “Tell us about your children, Dear Cousin.” “Oh,” said the Englishwoman, “alas, I have no children.” “I see,” pipe in Jean-Claude, “you are FRUITLESS.” Seeing the expression on Lady Windham’s face, Pierre said, “I think the proper term is UNBEARABLE.” “Non, non,” corrected Jean-Claude. “I’ve got it now: she’s IMPREGNABLE.” The lady winced, and Pierre said,…

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Schwartzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn’t have one, The Pope has one but doesn’t use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns’ was hot, Liberace never used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi’s What is it? A: A LAST NAME!

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A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, “Hi there, how’s it going tonight?” She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, “I’ll screw anybody at any time, anywhere — your place or my place, it doesn’t matter to me.” The guy raises his eyebrows and says, “No shit, what law firm do you work for?”

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A big, nasty biker walked into a bar and shouldered his way into the middle of the bar. After ordering a beer, he yelled in a loud voice, “Everyone on this side of the room is a stupid ass.” No-one moved. After taking another drink, he again yelled, “Everyone on that side of the room is a damn queer.” Still no-one moved. Suddenly, he noticed a frail looking guy sneaking across the back of the room, and yelled, “Where the…

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There was this truckie talking to his boss about the new truck that had arrived and the boss was telling the truckie to take it to depot 1 which was over the other side of the city, telling the truckie, “Look mate, this is a brand new truck. I want you to take it over to depot one and if you get into any trouble in the least, call me and I’ll sort it out.” So off the truckie goes…

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