Ra ra ra Jokes - page 62

Welcome to AOL

If America Online was a city… 1) You’d live in a place where no two people had the same name. 2) You’d only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck. 3) Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you’d be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14.4 modems for only $399.99. 4) The commute to work…

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Bob, Bob, Bob….

Two women (one blonde, one brunette) go out for coffee and a chat. The brunette has 3 kids; the blonde has 30 kids. Brunette says: “How do you keep track of all those kids?” Blonde says: “Oh, it’s easy. All of them are named Bob” Brunette says: “How does that work?” Blonde says: “Well, when I want them to eat I just say, ‘Bob dinner’ and they all eat, when I say ‘Bob bed,’ they all go to bed.” Brunette…

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Farmer John & the hungry calf

Farmer John was taking his cow and its new born calf to sell in the auction. On the way farmer John got robbed by thieves, who beat him up, stripped him of his clothes and tied him to a tree. Then taking the mother cow and John’s clothes, the thieves escaped. They, however, left the new born calf behind. Poor farmer John suffered as for two days, he stood tied to a tree, stark naked and hungry. Fortunately, on the…

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You can help an NBA player

With the Christmas season approaching, please look into your heart to help those in need. Hundreds of National Basketball Association players in our very own country are living at or below the seven-figure salary level. And, as if that weren’t bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several weeks- possibly a whole year as a result of the current lock-out situation. But now you can help! For only $20,835.46 a month, about 694.50 a day (that’s less than…

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Chicken Analysis

It was autumn, and time for the blonde farmer to go over his books. To his puzzlement, he found that his flock of Rhode Island Reds was twice as profitable, in terms of eggs they produced, as was his flock of White Leghorns. “Look at this, he said to his wife. “I’ve gone over the numbers again and again, and there’s no doubt about it: the Reds are laying twice as many eggs and bringing in twice the money of…

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True to Life

One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter’s portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus. The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him the porportions in the painting were incorrect. “The head is too big,” the professor explained. “The…

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2 Black Kids Go Trick-or-treating

One Halloween night, two African American children, who are brother and sister, put on their costumes and go out of the house for some trick or treat. At the first house they stop by, the boy rings the doorbell. After a few minutes, an old white woman opens the door and asks, “And who might you two be?” “We’re Hansel and Gretel!” says the boy. “But you can’t be Hansel and Gretel. They’re white!” insists the old woman who promptly…

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The Limp

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, “Vietnam, 1969.” The other hooks his thumb behind him says, “Dog shit, 20 feet back.”

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Eh?

What’s the difference between Canadians, Australians and Americans? Canadians say, “Eh?” Australians say, “Eh mate!” and Americans say, “Hey, wanna mate?”

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