Eve Jokes - page 152

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES– FROM:Human Resources

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FROM: Human Resources It has been brought to Management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of preferred new phrases…

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Read JokeTO: ALL EMPLOYEES– FROM:Human Resources

Heard at last

The tapes of Monica Lewinsky and Linda Tripp were released, for the first time revealing Monica’s girlish voice. Upon hearing the tapes, President Bill Clinton was heard to exclaim: “So that’s what she sounds like.”

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Read JokeHeard at last

Failed Spelling Test

“Dad,” said the boy, “we had a spelling contest in school today, and I missed on the very first word.” “That’s too bad, Son,” consoled the father. “What was the word?” “Posse.” “Well, no wonder you couldn’t spell it, Lunkhead. You can’t even pronounce it correctly!”

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Read JokeFailed Spelling Test

Variations on the ‘I Love You’ Virus

The “I Love You” virus that infects users of Microsoft’s outlook has morphed. Watch for these variations: – The “I love you, too” virus – Responds with an appropriate letter stating that the user loves you as well. Spreads peace and harmony throughout the corporate workplace, causing lost productivity and chaos on Wall Street as no one tries to screw anyone else out of a deal. – The “I’m looking for more of a commitment” virus – Receives the “I…

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Read JokeVariations on the ‘I Love You’ Virus

Snatch-eating Frog

This woman goes to a pet store to purchase some dog food. She puts the bag of food up on the counter and notices a box full of frogs. She reads the sign on the box. and it says…”Snatch Eating Frogs $20.00 each comes with instructions)”. She looks at it for a minute…looks around to see if anyone’s watching her… and whispers to the man behind the counter…”I’LL TAKE ONE!” He packages up a frog. The woman grabs her dog…

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Read JokeSnatch-eating Frog

A True ‘Friendly Skies’ Story

Years ago, a united Airlines flight at Denver’s old Stapleton International Airport was canceled. As a harried United agent was re-booking the inconvenienced passengers on other flights, an angry primmadonna flier pushed his way to the front of the line, slapped his ticket down on the counter and exclaimed, “I MUST be on THIS flight, and it must be FIRST CLASS!” The agent was polite and apologized for the inconvenience the passenger was experiencing, but said that to be fair,…

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Read JokeA True ‘Friendly Skies’ Story

Can It Get More Embarrassing Than This?

The following are two of the top three winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest: “While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving *right now*, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said…

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Read JokeCan It Get More Embarrassing Than This?

Wrestling for Money

One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground, and Tim put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Tim’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Tim was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that…

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Read JokeWrestling for Money

Viagra tests

RESEARCHERS BAFFLED The U.S. Navy Medical Corps has concluded an extensive pharmaceutical study in which an equal number of sailors and marines were administered weekly doses of Viagra. Researchers are at a loss to explain why all of the sailors achieved enhanced sexual prowess, while the Marines simply grew taller.

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Read JokeViagra tests

Take your pick…

One day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the pearly gates by St. Peter himself. “Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had an executive make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”…

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Read JokeTake your pick…