Eve Jokes - page 128

Isn’t it a crazy mixed-up world

Everyone knows of the Chunnel running from England to France, but does everyone know this story? Four people got on the Chunnel: One was a young woman, who looked exactly like one of the models from fashion magazine. The next was a very old very rich woman, then a decorated Sergeant Major. Last but not least was a Private, fresh out of boot camp. The four got talking and all of a sudden the lights went out, there was the…

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No Women Allowed

A country club didn’t allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women’s club and became very active. After about six months, the governing board of the club received a letter from the women’s club complaining about the men urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After another six months, they received…

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Many ‘Nees

“I have seven ‘nees,” said a man to his friend. “Oh, yeah?” his friend responded. “Tell me how you can have seven.” ” Okay. I have two knees, two kidnees, two ninnees, and one weenee.”

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Three Housewives

Three housewives are having lunch together in a small diner. Over dessert and coffee, they are discussing their suspicions regarding their spouses’ infidelities. The first housewife says, “You know, I once found a pair of panty hose in the pocket of my husband’s coat and it’s not mine.” “Tell me about it,” says the second housewife. “Several weeks ago, I found a box of condoms in my husband’s drawer. And I know he never uses them whenever we have sex.”…

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Handrails

Two drunks were walking down a railroad track one night when one drunk stops and says, “This is the longest set of stairs I’ve ever seen!” The other drunk replies, “Yes, and these damned handrails are too low, too.”

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Dreams

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it – to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”

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Writing Poorly is a Talent

One morning, Yale University Professor of English John Berdan read to his English composition class a particularly inept theme and, as usual, called for comments. The students panned it unmercifully. “Interesting,” commented Berdan, “because I wrote the theme myself.” As the critics began to blush, he continued, “You are quite right. This theme is incredibly bad. I spent two hours of painstaking effort last night to make sure I had not omitted a single feature of poor writing, and I…

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Airplane ride

A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and notices the most beautiful women he has ever seen boarding the plane. He is so nervous, and he soon realizes that she is walking down the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat next to him, he is anxious to begin a conversation with her. He asks, “Where are you flying to today?” She responds, “To the annual nymphomaniac convention in Chicago.” He is CRAZED…

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The Proud Father

A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, ‘Mother of Six,’ in spite of her objections.’ One night they went to a party. The man decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as well.’ He shouted at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home, Mother of Six?” His wife,…

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The nice fruit guy

Once a woman went to the fruit store with her baby son, who everybody thought he was so ugly and never said a nice word as courtesy. But she noticed the store guy playing with her son, so she was so happy and thanked the nice man and said, “You are so nice to play with him, everyone avoids him..!” Guy: “Rubbish! Here, give him a banana, he’s the nicest monkey I’ve ever seen !”

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