Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. –Ernest Hemmingway Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. –Winston Churchill He was a wise man, who invented beer. –Plato Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. –Lady Astor to Winston Churchill Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. –Churchill’s reply When I read about…
(0)
Loading...
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then…
(1)Loading...
Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Improper bladder control. Action: Stand next to the nearest dog and complain about house training. Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Fault: Glass Empty Action: Get someone to buy you another beer. Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. Fault: You have fallen over backwards. Action: Have yourself leashed to the bar.…
(1)Loading...
She found that at her age, going braless pulled all the wrinkles out of her face. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need to go on that trip. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door…
(0)Loading...
(Must be read with an Italian accent) One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the lady…
(4)Loading...
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. “The bus driver insulted me!” she fumed. The man sympathized and said, “Why, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say…
(0)Loading...
There was this man named John who was born with three balls. Doctors checked him over as an infant and determined that this was not an abnormal growth. It was indeed a third testicle. As a grown man, John would go from town to town, hit the bars and bet people he had three balls. There were immediate takers, and when he dropped his pants, they were stunned to see that they had lost the bet, because there before their…
(0)Loading...
For those of you who don’t know, Gay Head is the name of a small town on Martha’s Vineyard, now renamed to Aquinna (I can’t imagine why they renamed it). It is known for its fabulous beach and stunning red cliffs overlooking the beach. On my recent vacation, I decided to go there for the day. Feeling a little brave, I decided to head for the Northwest end of the beach. This is where bathing suits are optional. As I…
(0)Loading...
A rancher needs a bull to service his cows, but needs to borrow the money from the bank. The banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won’t even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull. The next week, the banker returns to see if the vet has helped. The farmer looks…
(0)Loading...
Things we have in Egypt that the rest of the world doesn’t: 1- McDonald’s home delivery (the rest of the world have to get off their lazy butts and go get it). 2-Mollokhya (for some reason our tasty national green slime has not caught on elsewhere). 3- Relaxed driving regulations (apparently, the rest of the world drives around in straight lines, how bizarre!). 4- No drunk-driving laws (well, no breath-analyzers anyway). 5- Magical economics (250 people in a 40 seater…
(0)Loading...