Co ed Jokes - page 359

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road????

Chicken Anyone? Why did the chicken cross the road? Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side. Plato: For the greater good. Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. Karl Marx: It was an historically inevitability. Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world…

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Chevy Nova Awards

These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given out in honour of the GM’s fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. “NO VA” means, of course, in Spanish, “it doesn’t go”. 1. The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention that the Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?” 2. Coors put its slogan, “Turn It…

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George Burns’ 5 Tips for Meeting Women

1. Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good idea to wear some clothes, too. 2. If a real beauty comes your way walking her dog, stop and pet it. That makes you her friend, and before you know it she’ll be introducing herself and shaking your hand, unless her dog is a pit bull. Then she’ll just introduce herself. 3. Bump into her rear end.…

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The Maid

A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework. A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat. One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit. “But why?” asked the disappointed wife. She hemmed and hawed and said she didn’t want to say, but the wife was…

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Christmas Gifts

Just after classes resumed from Christmas break, a young girl was telling her teacher what he had received from Santa. “Me got a Barbie from Santa,” said the little girl. “I got a Barbie from Santa,” corrected the teacher. “Me, too!” replied the child.

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Air Head

A bored blonde decides to do something wild, something she hasn’t done before, so she decides to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds stimulating. She drives home, opens a bottle of wine, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there’s nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. “I…

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Robotic Arm

A man who lost his arms in Vietnam won a million dollars and immediately went to a doctor asking for their most advanced arms. The doctor told him that they had a brand new voice activated arm, but it costed one million dollars so he could only get one. The man agreed and got the arm. One day he goes to a bar to show off the arm to his buddies. He tells the arm to pick up his drink,…

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Fertility Drugs

Joe went to the doctor to complain that the fertility drugs weren’t working. Despite the frequent use of said drugs he could not get his wife pregnant. The doctor took some tests and came back looking worried. “I have good news and bad news,” said the Doc. “The tests have shown that the drugs haven’t had the desired effect and you to have a sperm count of one.” “What’s the good news?” said a worried Joe. “That was the good…

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That’s Impossible!

Said John to Mary, “I’ll bet you a quarter I can kiss you on the lips without touching them.” “You’re crazy,” said Mary. “That’s impossible. Here’s a quarter that says you can’t.” The two coins were placed on the mantlepiece and John then enfolded Mary and for ten minutes kissed her passionately, intimately and moistly. She broke away at last, panting and disheveled, and said, “You did nothing BUT touch my lips.” John pushed the quarters toward her and said,…

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Vampires’ Night Out

Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were a little tired of the locals in Transylvania and wanted something a little more exotic. After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy. So off they went to Italy and ended up in Venice. On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner. A few minutes later, they noticed a young…

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