Co ed Jokes - page 354

Minister Doing It Differently

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, “Today, I am going to say a single word, and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind.” The pastor shouted out, “Cross.” Immediately, the congregation started singing in unison, “The Old Rugged Cross.” The pastor hollered out, “Grace.” The congregation began to sing, “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.” The…

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DOCTORS’ NOTES ON PATIENT CHARTS

(ACTUAL NOTES–UNEDITED!): 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely. 3. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1997. 5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also…

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The Nosy Cab Driver

Each morning, a self-righteous, nosy cab driver would drive a man to his place of employment and would later return to drive the man’s wife to her place of employment…a brothel. During a conversation one morning with the man, the nosy cab driver smugly stated, “I don’t mean to be prying, but did you know that each morning after dropping you off at work, I return and take your wife and drop her off at a brothel where she works?”…

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Can you help me?

A man named Joe walked into a men?s room and saw a row of urinals along the wall. There was another man standing in front of the urinal, but he was not using it. His hands were all curled up. There was nobody else in the men?s room. Joe went and stood by the other man and used the urinal. When Joe had finished, the other man spoke. He said, ?Sir, I don?t have the full use of my hands.…

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Vanilla Pudding Delight

Some Polish Gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.…

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SUPERMARKET TRAINING

A very dumb man applies for a job at the supermarket. He gets the job. The first day his training started. His boss said “I’ll pretend to be the customer and you make a sale to me.” “Okay, let’s start. Excuse me sir, but how much are these oranges?” “Umm…I dunno,” replied the trainee lamely. “No, no, no! You’re supposed to say, ‘A dollar seventy-five’!” scolded the boss. “Let’s try again.” “Excuse me sir, but how much are these oranges?”…

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sex or brownies?

One day there was a woman waiting for her husband to come home from work. When he got home she said, “Listen, I need you to fix the stairs, they are creaking again.” Her husband replied, “Look, I had a hard day at work all I want is to have a beer and go to bed. Does it look like I have carpenter written across my forehead?” So he had his beer and went to bed. The next day when…

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Texas Baby

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced “a typical Texas baby” weighing twenty pounds. “Wow! Twenty pounds!” exclaimed many at the bar, as they congratulated the proud father. Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, “Aren’t you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?” The proud father answered,…

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Eight-year-olds Define Love

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis, too. That’s love.” “When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.” “Love is when a girl puts on perfume, and a boy puts on shaving cologne, and they go out and smell each other.” “Love is…

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Big Mistake

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain…” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I`m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say…” “And I said to keep quiet! You`re going to jail!” A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the…

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