Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Three drunk Irishmen were rambling through a cemetery in search of the oldest person buried there. One Blasted Bloke, Shamus, yells out, “Here’s a fella that died when he was 145 years old!” “What was his name?” asks Paddy. Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, “Miles, from Dublin.”
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Little Johnny is walking down the laneway one morning with something cupped in his hands. An old farmer sitting on the porch sees him coming and wonders what he is up to. “Hey little Johnny, whatcha got there in your hands?” Johnny replies, “Got me a bullfrog…goin to town to get me a bull.” The old farmer just chuckles. A short while later, here comes Johnny leading a bull. The old farmer scratches his head in amazement. Next day, here…
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A man is on the first hole of a snooty golf course getting ready to hit his ball. He stands near the red tee, sets up, and gets ready to hit when he hears a voice over the loudspeaker say, “Will the gentleman please step back to the Men’s Tee.” He ignores the voice, and gets ready to hit again. Just as he starts to swing, he hears the voice again: “Will the gentleman please step back to the Men’s…
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Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house, exclaiming, “Maggie, cud ya be sewin’ on a wee button that’s come off of me fly? I canny button me pants.” “Oh, Angus, . . . I’ve got me hands in the dishpan right now. Go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin’ ya with it.” About five minutes later, there’s a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of…
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SO BIG Yo mama’s so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step. Yo mama’s so big, her belly button’s got an echo. Yo mama’s so big, she can’t wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back. Yo mama’s so big, she rollerskates on busses. Yo mama’s so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers. Yo mama’s so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker. Yo mama’s so big, she uses bowling…
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A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing down. This goes on for a while when his wife sticks her head out of the front door and yells, “You need more tail!” The father turns to his son and says, “Son, I’ll never understand your mother. I told her yesterday I needed more tail and she told me to go fly…
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There is a blind man on his way to Texas for the first time. He is on the airplane, and he is in First Class. He goes to his seat, and feels them, they are huge. He asks the stewardess, “Aren’t these seats kinda’ big?” She replies, “Oh, everything’s bigger in Texas.” Then he gets to Texas, and he goes to his room. He walks, and walks and didn’t hit the wall for a few minutes, and he was walking…
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There were two old geezers living in the backwoods of the Ozarks . . . Rufus and Clarence. They lived on opposite sides of the river, and they hated each other. Every morning, just after sunrise, Rufus and Clarence would go down to their respective sides of the river and yell at each other. “RUFUS!!” Clarence would shout. “You better thank your lucky stars that I can’t swim . . . or I’d swim this river and whup your butt!!”…
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A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser, with an experienced partner. As they were responding to a radio call, they observed a crowd, gathered at an intersection. The rookie officer rolls down his window and yells, “YOU WILL DISPERSE! NOW!” The crowd does nothing. The rookie steps out of his car, draws his service revolver and says, “YOU WILL LEAVE THIS AREA, IMMEDIATELY, OR BE SUBJECT TO ARREST! THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING!” The small crowd…
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An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, “I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.” The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: “What? What did he say? What’s he want?” His wife yells back, “Just hand him your underwear!”
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