Yell Jokes - page 17

Deaf Golfers

A guy was playing golf at this fancy club, and just as he was about to tee off, a cart drives up. These two guys get out and hand him a note saying, “We are deaf. May we play through?” The guy says, “Hell, no!” and tees off anyway. Six shots later, he is on the green about to putt when a ball comes out of nowhere and misses his head by an inch. “What the @%?*???!” he yells. The…

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Death Row

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are all on death row. The brunette is taken into the execution room. The executioner asks her if she has any last words. She said no. He aims the gun at her and she yells “snowstorm!” And everyone runs away and she escapes. The redhead is taken into the room and asked if she has any last words. She says no. The executioner points the gun at her and she yells “tornado!” Everyone…

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Teena and Piddles

A little girl named Teena has a cat named Piddles, and one day Piddles dies. Teena runs to her father with tears in her eyes and says, “DAD PIDDLES IS DEAD!!!” Her dad says, “Oh I’m so sorry that that had to happen.” Tenna sniffs, “Dad, how c-come Piddles legs and arms are sticking up in the air?” The dad having no idea, uses his quick wit and says, “Well, this way when Jesus comes down to get her he…

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Marital Bliss

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know…

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Dissatisfied Customer

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered, with his thumb over the meat. “Are you CRAZY?!” yelled the customer. “Don’t bring my meal with your hand on my steak!” “What!” answers the waiter. “You want it to fall on the floor again?”

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Two Ropes

Two ropes are walking down the street and see a bar. So the first rope goes into the bar, sits down at a stool, and orders something to drink. The bartender growls, “Are you one of dem ropes?” And the rope replies,”Well, yes, I am.” The bartender yells, “Well, we don’t serve your kind!” And he twirls up the rope and throws him out onto the street. The second rope gets pretty worried and thinks, “I better disguise myself.” So…

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Dad’s Practical Jokes

Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…

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Attorney

Job Applicant: “I’m looking for a job as a consultant.” Employer: “I’m sorry, we already have enough cosultants.” Applicant: “That’s ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor.” Employer: “More than we can use already.” Applicant: As he is getting desperate, “I’m not proud, I can do paperwork, I’ll be a clerk, If you have too many, I’ll start as a janitor.” Employer: “It just doesn’t seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications.” Applicant:…

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I’ve lost my memory

An elderly couple were having trouble remembering things. The man advised the woman that he thought they should see a doctor. Both agreed and went to the doctor. The doctor stated that was no big problem and that it is easily cured. “Get yourself a tablet and when you think of something write it on the tablet.” The couple returned home. Later that evening the man asked the woman if she would kindly get him a glass of ice water.…

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Lawyers

In a bar, men were drinking and having fun!! A man jumps up and yells out “all lawyers are Assholes”!!! Another man jumps up and says “I resent that” “why” asks the first man “are you a lawyer”? “No” replied the man “I am an Asshole”!!

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