Yell Jokes - page 14

Waiting at the Pearly Gates

A man arrives at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter reviews the Big Book to see if the man?s name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, ?I?m sorry, I don?t see your name written in the Big Book.? ?How current is your copy?? asks the man. ?I get a download every ten minutes,? St. Peter replies, ?Why do you ask?? ?I?m embarrassed to admit it, but…

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Kids’ Real Answers About Marriage

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? “You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” Alan, age 10 “No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” Kirsten, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE…

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Classify

In our final class of Anthropology, the revered old Professor lectured about Race. He lectured that in his opinion there was no such thing as Race. That every living person was their own individual Race. And that the only thing we should care about is the Human Race. A perplexed student stood up and asked the Professor: How do we classify people then. The Professor then calmly replied: If you must classify someone, there is only one thing you should…

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PIG

A man is speeding his convertible up a steep, narrow, winding mountain road when a woman driving a sedan approaches him from the opposite direction. As they pass, she leans out her window and yells, “PIG!” The man immediately leans out and yells, “BITCH!” As he hurtles around the next corner, he swerves to avoid a large pig standing in the middle of the road, plows through the flimsy fence and crashes to a fiery death. Gee, if only you…

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TeleTest

Teletubbies Personality Test It amazes me how these things really work! How do they do it?? The following test was developed by a combination of top U.S. and European psychologists. The results are extremely accurate in describing your personality with one simple question. Which is your favorite Teletubby: A. Yellow B. Purple C. Green D. Red (scroll down for psychological profile) > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >…

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I Remember Mama…

An elderly couple suffering from deteriorating memory signed up for a power memory class to improve their memories. The power memory method taught them to remember things by associating these with familiar objects. After completing the 5-day course, the old man was discussing the merits of the course with a neighbor in his backyard. The old man claimed, “Signing up for that power memory class was one of the best things I’ve ever done.” The neighbor asked, “So who was…

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Redneck Nativity Scene

In a small Southern town, there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed the great skill and talent which had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me, however. The three wise men were all wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You darn Yankees…

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School Daze

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Patrick?” “Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.” “Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days.” The teacher turns back…

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Nuts!

An institution for the mentally ill arranged for its inmates to attend a baseball game. The director spent days training the patients to obey his commands, so there wouldn’t be any trouble. The day of the game was bright and sunny and the group arrived just before the first pitch. When it was time for the National Anthem, the director yelled, “Up, nuts!” and the inmates immediately rose. When the National Anthem was over, the director yelled, “Down, nuts!” and…

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The Proxy Father

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon”. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the bell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come…

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