Woman woman Jokes - page 37

The Crowded Train Ride

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the lower bunk, the man on the top. In the middle of the night the man leans over and says, “I’m sorry to bother you but I’m cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket.” The woman leans out and says in a…

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Hospital Joke

A woman gets a call from the hospital. The doctor at the hospital says, “Mrs. Smith, it’s about your husband. He’s been in a terrible car accident.” Mrs. Smith says, “Ohmigod, what happened.” The doctor says, “Well, I’ve got good news, and bad news.” Mrs. Smith says, “Give me the good news first.” The doctor says, “Well, your husband suffered extensive injuries and will take years to recuperate. He broke both of his arms, among other things, so for at…

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BB Stew

A woman was making a stew and her husband walked and set his bee-bee gun down and put the package of pellets above the stove. As the woman was cooking, the package fell over and landed in the stew. She fishes the package out, and thought to herself, “It’ll be to much trouble to take the bee-bees out. I’ll just leave them in and no one will notice.” So she fed it to her family with no complaints. The next…

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Reverse Roles

Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman’s work! But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was…

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Hillary’s Fortune

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year.” Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman’s lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at…

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What’s Your Secret?

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long, happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.” “That’s amazing!” the woman said. “How OLD ARE you?” “Twenty-six,” he said.

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Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were ambushed by a band of outlaws. They fought the outlaws from behind large rocks as long as they could, but their ammunition was running low. The Lone Ranger finally sends Tonto into town to get help. Hours pass by and finally Tonto returns with a completely naked woman under his arm. The Lone Ranger shakes his head, slaps his forehead and says, “POSSE, Tonto – I said POSSE!!!!!”

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Birth control method

There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club meeting. The topic of birth control came up and they started comparing methods. The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It had been effective for them since they had started using it after their 4th child was born. The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated having to watch the calendar. The third woman said that she used…

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Salesman’s Day

The dildo salesman walked up to the door of a beautiful white woman and knocked. He showed her the dildos in his case and she purchased a large black one. At the next home he was greeted by a beautiful black woman who, after looking over the dildos in his case, purchased a large white one. At the third door he knocked and a beautiful blonde came to the door. She looked in his case and said, “Oh, I’ll take…

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Top 10 signs Bill Clinton may be

10. Every time you are about to be punished, you start a war with another school. 09. You don’t count an oral report as a report. 08. When you get caught without your homework, you blame it on a “vast, 4th grade conspiracy” 07. When your Mom asks if you’ve done your chores, you respond “that depends on what the meaning of the word ‘done’ is”. 06. You get expelled, and your popularity rating goes up 10%. 05. The day…

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