Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Two guys were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface. After floating under a blazing heat for six days, they ran out of food and water. On the tenth day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near,…
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A pretty girl is driving through the West when her car runs out of gas. Along comes an Indian and gives her a ride to a gas station. Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk. Finally, he drops her off with a final “Yaaaa-Hooooo!” and gallops off. “My God!” says the gas station attendant, “What the hell were you doing to make him holler like that?” “Why, nothing,” says the girl, “I just sat…
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I will be flying tomorrow, so let’s take a look at these RULES OF THE AIRWAYS: Takeoff’s are optional. Landings are MANDATORY. Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous. Speed is life, altitude is life insurance. No one has ever collided with the sky. The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire. Flying is the second greatest thrill known to man. LANDING is the first! Everyone knows a “good” landing is one from which you…
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Here are some examples of WHY English is the most difficult language to learn: We polish the Polish furniture. He could lead if he would get the lead out. A farm can produce produce. The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse. The soldier decided to desert in the desert. The present is a good time to present the present. At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum. The dove dove…
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Not-So-Secret Male Handbook 1. Practice grunting 5 times a day. While some may find it acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for emergencies, i.e.. when some portion of your body is on fire. 2. Never ask for directions. Ever. Even if you find yourself crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some ammo. 3. Never ever show emotion. No exceptions. Including the emergency…
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Matt And Lennie’s Do’s and Don’t Do’s… For making friends: DO – Show off your talents. DON’T – Shove a harmonica up your butt and play the national anthem. DO – Tell them about your interest in arts and film. DON’T – Tell them about your vast child porn collection. DO – Share your ideas. DON’T – Share your plan to pull down their pants in public and set their face on fire. DO – Help them with their problems.…
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OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out names and addresses of people you don’t know. WHEN reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists. A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity. BUS DRIVERS: Pretend you’re an airline pilot, by…
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If your goal in life is to do as little as possible, and you get away with that…does that make you successful? If love is blind and marriage is an institution, does that mean that marriage is an institution for the blind? If you can buy more memory for your computer…why can’t people? What does an imperfect stranger look like? The term “free gift” never made sense to me…has anybody ever said to you…”I bought you a gift, now that…
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With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they ask to see the baby, the 65-year old mother says, “Not Yet.” A little while later they ask to see the baby again…and once more the mother says, “Not Yet!”. Finally one of the anxious relatives says, “Well then… when can we see the baby?!?”. And the elderly mother says,…
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Rich, Eddie and Michael decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, so she gave the guys a deal. “You can pay by the inch.” When Rich comes back out his friends ask, “How much did she charge you?” “$75 dollars,” said Rich with a wink and a smile. Eddie goes in and returns with a fee of $85, and several “high fives.” The first two were proud of their prowess. Michael goes in and returns. “How much…
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