Wit Jokes - page 110

Aggie’s

Two Aggies had just snagged the biggest buck they had ever seen. Seeing how they probably couldn’t do any better, they decided to call it a day. So they both agreed and started dragging the buck by the back legs to their truck. As they got within eyeshot of the truck, they happened to pass by a game warden who was heading into the forest. “That’s a nice buck” the warden replied, “but you know, it’d probably be easier to…

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Husband Wants to Know

Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you . . .” “I know, I know,” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in your pregnancy.” “No, that’s not it at all, Brenda confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”

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Blonde Jokes… A List

How do you confuse a blonde boy? You put him in a circular room and tell him to pee in the corner. Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm. Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies? Because the sign said, “Seventeen and under not admitted.” What do you call a blonde holding a dollar over her head All you can eat under a buck A dumb blonde and a smart blonde jump off of a roof.…

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Fairy Tales

When Chelsea Clinton was eight, Hillary was reading one of her favorite fairy tales. “Mommy,” asked Chelsea, “Do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once Upon a Time . . . ?’” “No, Dearest,” replied Hillary, “sometimes they start with ‘Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight . . . .’”

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Eternal Optimist

Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, “Well, it could have been worse.” To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it. On the golf course one day, one of them said, “Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home…

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Pregnancy FAQs

Q. Should I have a baby after 35? A. No, you’ve done more than your share with 35 children. Q. I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A. With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational. A. So what’s your question? Q. When is…

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Following Orders Exactly

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil; when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.” The apprentice did just as he was told. Now HE’s the village blacksmith!

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Presidential Election Process

Around the time the Clinton impeachment hearings were under way, I was taking a political science class at a community college. One of our assignments was to prepare a speech on anything related to the presidency. I’ll never forget when a Japanese student went to the front of the class to deliver his speech: “My speech today is on the Presidential erection process.” The whole class was cracking up throughout the whole speech because of phrases like “the president’s wife…

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Electrifying Show and Tell

The teacher asked the students to bring an electrical appliance for “Show and Tell,” and the next day every kid had something. The teacher asks Wendy, “What did you bring? “I brought a Walkman.” “And what is it for?” “You can listen to music with it!” “That’s nice, Wendy. And what did you bring, Kenny?” “I brought a ‘lectrical can opener. It opens cans!” “Well done, Kenny. But it seems that Johnny didn’t bring anything!” “Yes, I did. It’s in…

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