Wit Jokes - page 106

How I Did It

A young lady had just visited her doctor, and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share her good news with someone. The farmer sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with. “Sir,” she said, “I just received the best news…

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Smart 3-year-old

One morning a young 3 year old boy sat at the kitchen table in front of a bowl of cereal, thinking. When his mother noticed his thoughtful expression she thought it better not to disturb him. Later that afternoon the boy was still sitting there with a very concentrated expression. His mother was then curious but then decided just to leave him there. That night at dinner, he was still sitting at the table, chin in hand, with great thought…

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Sperm Bank & empty jar

A man walks into a sperm bank and says, “I’d like to make a donation. So the lady at the front desk hands him a jar and says, “Here , fill it up and bring it back in a week.” The man says “OK, see you then,” and leaves. When he comes back in a week he hands the woman the empty jar and says, “I tried it with left hand, I tried it with my right hand, my wife…

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A Vocabulary Lesson

arachnoleptic fit, n: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web. Beelzebug, n: Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out. bozone, n: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down at any time in the future. cashtration, n: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject…

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Piccolo Player

One day a farmer caught a traveling salesman making love to his youngest daughter. Yelling “You son of a bitch!” he shot the amorous salesman in the groin with a .12-gauge shotgun. The screaming salesman quickly took off for town to find a doctor. He found one, but the physician took one look at the man’s dick and told him that nothing could be done for him. “Oh, please do something,” begged the salesman. “I’m a rich man and can…

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True Love

A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude, because it taught him how much his wife loved him. She was so thrilled to have him around, that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, “My husband’s home! My husband’s home!”

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Bush’s Presidential Theme Song

The Kennebunkport Hillbilly (sung to the tune of ?The Beverly Hillbillies?) Come and listen to my story ’bout a boy named Bush His IQ was zero and his head was up his tush He drank like a fish while he was drivin? all about But that didn’t matter ‘cuz his daddy bailed him out! DUI, that is. Criminal record. Cover-up. Well, the first thing you know little Georgie went to Yale He couldn?t spell his name but they never let…

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Asleep at Church

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at her church. “Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem — my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?” “I have an idea,” said the minister. “Take this hat pin with you. I’ll be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in…

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Heaven!!

Two men were talking about their lives one day, while driving to a boat show. One of the men was single, and the other was married with two children. They crashed into an incoming 18- wheeler and died on impact. When they went to heaven’s waiting room, Peter told the single man he was not allowed in heaven, but let the married man in. The single guy, frustrated and mad, asked Peter why he let the married man in but…

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Drinking and Gambling

A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, “Will you buy booze?” The bum said “No.” The man asked, “Will you gamble it away?” The bum said, “No.” Then the man asked, “Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn’t drink or gamble?”

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Read JokeDrinking and Gambling