Walks into a bar Jokes - page 4

A man walks into a bar and orders 5 shots. The bartender lines them up and the man starts shooting them back. The bartender looks at him and says, “I don’t think you should be drinking them that fast!” The man looks up and says, “You would too if you had what I have.” “What’s that?” asks the bartender. The man stands up and grins and replies, “75 cents.”

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet octopus under his arm. The bar is halving a “folk music” night, so most people have brought along their musical instruments. The guy with the octopus makes an announcement, “I bet $200 my octopus can play ANY musical instrument you offer him!” Straight away, this guy walks up with an acoustic guitar and hands it to the octopus. The octopus grabs the guitar and rips into a flawless display of Flamenco…

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Man walks into a bar. This man is carring a big, black, briefcase type of bag. He sits down at the bar and orders a drink. He removes a thimble from his pocket, pours a little of his drink in this thimble, and puts the thimble inside the bag. Bartender gets a little nosey, and asks what’s in the bag. Man holds up his finger as if to say “wait”, and begins to open the case at the top. He…

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This drunk walks into a bar and asks the bartender to give him a ride home. The bartender tells the drunk he’d better ask someone else. He walks over to a waitress and asks her for a ride. she agreed to. As they walked out she warned him that she was on her menstrual cycle. The drunk said ” Baby, I don’t care what you’re on just as long as you gimme a ride home.”

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A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy.” Bartender says, “You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?” The guy says, “Oh, I want them both now. I’ve got my best buddy in my pocket here.” He then pulls a little 3 inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks, “You mean to say,…

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A guy walks into a bar, approaches the bartender and says: “I’ve been working on a top secret project on molecular genetics for the past five years, and I’ve just got to talk to someone about it.” The bartender says: “Wait a minute. Before we talk about that, just answer me a few questions. When a deer defecates, why does it come out like little pellets?” The guy didn’t know. The bartender then asks, “Why is it that when a…

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This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He goes to take a sip and when he does this little 12 inch man runs down his arm and kicks over his drink. The man orders another and the same thing happens. So after a couple more times the bartender asks what’s with the little guy? The man replies i wished for a 12 inch prick and this is what i got!

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