Tree Jokes - page 38

The Farrell Twins

Darryll and Darren were identical twin boys who lived in a fishing village off the coast of Maine. Darryll Farrell was married and Darren Farrell was single. Together they both owned a small, dilapidated boat. It happened that the same day Darryll’s wife died, Darren’s boat sank. Such is the karma of twins. A kind old lady met Darren on the street and mistaking him for his brother Darryll, said: “Oh, Mr. Farrell, I’m sorry to hear of your great…

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Definition of a Tragedy

President Bill Clinton was addressing a group of school children and explaining the importance of choosing precisely the right words to express your thoughts. He asked the class if someone could give an example of the word Tragedy. A little boy raised his hand and said “If two children were having a catch and the ball rolled into the street and one of the children ran after it and got killed by a car, that would be a tragedy”. The…

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Merry Christmas, Little Johnny

One day Little Johnny’s dad went to a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist said every time Johnny swore, the father should put a dog shit in place of one of his presents. So when Johnny’s dad got home, he asked his son, “Johnny, what do ya want for Christmas?” Little Johnny said, “I want to wake up with a great fucking teddy bear next to me. And a great fucking train set around the Christmas tree. And when I go outside…

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Have we met?

Two blondes are walking down the street. One blonde finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, “I just know I?ve seen this face before!” “Give it to me”, says the other blonde. She looks in the mirror and says, “Of course, you silly! It?s me!!”

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Elvis Tattoo

A girl walks into a tattoo shoppe and asks for a tattoo of Elvis on the inside of her left thigh. The artist said, “Elvis is my specialty, c-mon in and have a seat!!” As he finishes, she takes a look and says, “THAT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE ELVIS!” He replies, “That is the best Elvis I have ever done.” She disagrees. So he offers to do a mirror image on the other leg — so he gives her one…

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Big Mistake

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain…” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I`m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say…” “And I said to keep quiet! You`re going to jail!” A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the…

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The Witch and the spiders

Once there were these three REALLY stupid spiders. All they ever wanted was to be smart. So, one day, they decided that they would go to a witch and see if she could make them smart. “So, you want to be smart,huh?”, the witch asked. “Ok, I will make you smart but first, you must go out and learn three facts by yourselves to prove that you really want to be smart.” The spiders agreed and were on their way.…

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Tarzan’s new parts

One day Tarzan got into a bloody fight with a lion. Although he killed the lion Tarzan lost an eye, his right arm, and his genitals. Jane quickly took him to the friendly witch doctor to see if he could save the Lord of the Jungle. The witch doctor had no human parts to replace those missing so, he improvised. He carefully sewed the eye of an eagle into Tarzan’s skull, the arm of a female gorilla into his shoulder…

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