Tree Jokes - page 41

The bat

This one bat returned from a long hard day’s work of collecting blood. Upon his return to the bat cave, he proceeded to hang from his perch whereupon a group of his friends noticed the blood from around his mouth. They approached him and continually badgered him to tell the others where he got that blood. Although he was exhausted, he finally agreed to show the other bats where he got the blood under the condition that the other bats…

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Intelligent Hunting Dog

A farmer was down on his luck having suffered a bad growing season, lack of crops and poor prices. To make ends meet he decided he’d have to sell his dog – a most intelligent animal. A few days after placing the ad, a man came to see this “intelligent” dog. When asked what the dog could do, the farmer pointed to a stand of trees nearby and informed the man there was a pond on the other side. He…

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bar hopping

Two guys wanted to go out and drink but the problem was that they had no money to buy beer. One of the guys had an idea. He went to go buy a hotdog at one of the street stands. He told his friend that when they go to the bars they just ring up their tab and then I’ll pull out the hotdog and you will start sucking on it. His friend said it wouldn’t work. The other guy…

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PINOCCHIO joke

One day, Jesus and his disciples were walking down the streets of Heaven and Jesus tripped over a old Man. He asked the old man what was the matter. He said when he was alive on earth, he had a son. So Jesus asked him to describe his son. He said that he is very polite and has holes in his hands and feet. ” Father ?!” Jesus said. The old man looked up and said ” PINOCCHIO?!!!”

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Russian Vodka

Russian Vodka A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, “Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything that you want.” The Russian begins thinking, “Well I really like drinking vodka.” Finally the Russian says, “I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka.” The Genie grants him his wish.…

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I’m Fine, Thank You! (poem)

There is nothing the matter with me. I’m as healthy as I can be. I have arthritis in both of my knees And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze. My pulse is weak, and my blood is thin. But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in. Arch supports I have for my feet Or I wouldn’t be able to be on the street. Sleep is denied me night after night, But every morning, I find I’m all…

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On Again, Off Again

A man from Arkansas and a man from New York bought a business together in Little Rock. The guy from Arkansas had an apartment across the street from the store, but the guy from NY lived out of town. The fellows had bought a new flashing neon sign, which they turned off each night at midnight when they closed their business, in order to save money. One morning around 1 a.m., the NY fellow called his partner from Arkansas and…

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