Th th Jokes - page 584

Mark Twain sat on the train next to a gloom-and-doomer who said, “Do you realize that every time I take a breath, 10,000 people on this planet die?” Twain replied, “Hmmmm . . . ever try cloves?”

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Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!” She says, “Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up.” After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, “Man! My hands are really freezing!” She says again, “Well put them…

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Jim loved his new dog until it started bringing home things from all over the neighborhood — things like shoes and hats and kids’ toys — nothing that was that big of a deal. Except for one day the dog brought home a dead rabbit. Jim was shocked later when he found out that the rabbit actually belonged to his neighbor, Sandy, who was at work. Jim took the dead rabbit, washed it and fluffed up its fur and then…

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Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called “the world.” The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear… …so clear that you can easily make out the face of the person whose head you’re holding under the water. There now, feeling better?

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As Benjy and his parents drove down the final stretch of highway towards their brand-new home in St. Louis, Missouri, Benjy’s eyes were wide with fascination at all the skyscrapers and traffic. It was much different from what they had left behind in Paducah, Kentucky. “What do you think of THAT, Benjy?” said his Pa, pointing out the famous Arch to him. Benjy exclaimed, “WOW! And to think that it is only HALF finished!” “WHAT is ‘half finished’?” said his…

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