Th th Jokes - page 126

THINGS TO PONDER II

If nothing sticks to TEFLON, how does TEFLON stick to the pan? Why do you need a drivers license to buy liquor, but you can’t drink and drive? If a cow laughs does milk come out it’s nose? Why do they put Braile dots on the keypad of a drive-up ATM? Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

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How to Discern the Sex of Babies

Two babies were in their cribs, when one baby said to the other, “Are you a little girl or a little boy?” “I don’t know,” replied the other baby giggling. “What do you mean, you don’t know?” said the first baby. “I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference,” was the reply. “Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling. “I’ll climb into your crib and find out.” He carefully maneuvered himself into the other baby’s crib, then…

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Thank You Note

A Junior High School in Memphis, Tennessee sponsored a luncheon for the residents of a senior citizens home. The principal of the school received the following Thank You note. * * * Dear Reyer School: God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens’ luncheon. I’m 94 years old and live at the Memphis County Home for the Aged. My family has long since passed away and I rarely have visitors. As a result, I…

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The Turkey Wanker

This jobless guy goes into a job centre looking for work, and is told that he’ll HAVE to take whatever job he picks at random from a bucket. So he delves deep, and pulls out one that says “TURKEY WANKER REQUIRED”. He has no option, and goes to this nearby farm. He speaks to the farmer, who explains that the latest craze in Japan is for women to smear turkey spunk on their faces to prevent wrinkles. And the farmer…

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THE FIVE PIGS

There were these five pigs. The first two went into a bar. The bartender asked, “What will you have?” They said five beers. They drank them, and asked, “Where is your bathroom?” The bartender said down the hall. Then the next two pigs came in the bar. “What will you have?” said the bartender. “What did our two brothers have?” The bartender said five beers. “We’ll have ten beers.” They drank them. They asked, “Where is your bathroom?” “Down the…

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Bad Breath/Stinky Feet

Joey was a great guy with wonderful qualities except for unbelievably stinky feet. Sharon was a fabulous gal with everything going for her except her terrible breath. Because of these qualities neither dared to date anyone. When they met, however, they knew they were right for each other. As the relationship grew neither could reveal their embarrasing features to each other. When Joey wanted to kiss her, Sharon would decline. Sharon would want to take long walks on the beach…

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The Funny Dog

A young tough robbed an elderly gentleman walking in his neighborhood. A week later he sees the gentleman walking again but this time he has a small dog that looks like a dachshund. The young tough decides to rob him again but decides to get a ferocious dog to take along. A few days later he sees the man walking with his dog and takes his dog to rob him. As he approaches, the elderly gentleman’s dog grabs the ferocious…

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The Marv Albert Song

to be sung to “Walkin In A Winterwonderland” Lacy things – wife is missin’, Didn’t ask her permission, Her silk pantyhose, Walkin’ round in women’s underwear. In the store – there’s a teddy Little straps – like spaghetti, It holds me so tight, Like handcuffs at night, Walking round in women’s underwear. In the office there’s a guy named Marvin, He pretends that I am Murphy Brown. He’ll say, “Are you ready?” I’ll say “Whoa, Man!” “Let’s wait until our…

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Anything For Love

The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her, don’t reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. After a few minutes, the woman…

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