Th th th Jokes - page 85

The camel and the donkey

One day a camel and a donkey were walking in the desert. The donkey said, ” I saw 3 oases back a ways.” So the camel and the donkey turned around. They walked and walked until they came upon the 3rd oasis. The camel drank all the water. The donkey said, “What did you do that for?” The camel said, “Shut up, you Jackass, I know what I am doing.” So they walked and walked until they came apon the…

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Beware: The Wrath of Mother Nature

A man and his wife are out playing golf. They tee off and his drive goes to the right while her drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out of the buttercups. Suddenly a woman appears out of nowhere. The mystery woman looks at the wife…

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Quality time with the family

There was this family of 3 brothers named Somebody, Nobody, Everybody, and their cousin Crazy. One night the four boys wanted to go out drinking at a bar. They all drank beer and were having fun. Everybody and Crazy had decided that they had all they wanted to drink. On the other hand, Somebody and Nobody still wanted to drink even though they were already drunk. As they continued to drink they started to say bad things to one another…

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Monks in the train station

A group of novitiates had been in monastery surroundings for a year and a half were allowed a trip to visit an associate brotherhood in the city of Pittsburg. They went to the train station, but upon arrival were nervous by the prospect of approaching the very busty ticket clerk wearing a lowcut blouse. After exchanging uneasy glances, the bravest of the bunch stepped forward and said: “I’d like five tits to Pittsburg.” Realizing what he had said, he blushed…

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Little Mouths Repeat

While my parents were painting their bedroom, my five-year-old sister walked in and asked, “What the hell are you doing?” Not realizing what she had said, she casually turned and walked out. After she left, my stunned dad then turned to my mother and asked, “Where the hell did she learn to talk like that?”

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The Good Book

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there. After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, “Preacher, I don’t believe the Bible mentions PMS.” The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and he would look for it. The following week after the service, the preacher called the…

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The Crocodile Joke

This bloke comes in to a pub in the Northern Territory (Australia) with a four-meter salt-water crocodile on a steel chain. Naturally, the patrons are shit scared and jump up on what ever they can find. The publican comes over and says “Get that thing out of here!” The bloke replies “I can?t, he?s my pet!” The publican says, “Well tie him up outside!” The bloke says, “No way, he?ll get lonely! And besides he safe.” “Safe?” say the publican,…

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Thoughts from the Kitchen

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and THIS kitchen is delirious. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast and cheap. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they…

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Read JokeThoughts from the Kitchen