Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A theologian and an astronomer were talking one day. The astronomer said that, after reading widely in the field of religion, he had concluded that all religions could be summed up in a single phrase: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” he said, with a bit of smugness, thinking that HIS field is so much more complex. After a brief pause, the theologian replied that, after reading widely in the area of astronomy, he had…
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Two blondes are sitting in a movie theater: Blonde one: Hey the guy next to me is jerking off!! Blonde two: Just ignore him. Blonde one: I can’t, he’s using my hand!!!
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Similarities between Santa Claus and System Administrators: 1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny. 2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal. 3. Santa seldom answers your mail. 4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he’s got, he says, “Elves make it for me.” 5. Santa doesn’t care about your deadlines. 6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves. 7. Nobody…
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A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly across the street from a house of ill repute. They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the house. “Would ye look at that, Darby!” said Pat. “What a shameful disgrace, those Protestant Reverends sinnin’ in a house the likes of that place!” They both shook their heads and continued working. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously and then darted…
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A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked. “They’re mating,” her father replied. “What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked. “That’s a Daddy Longlegs,” her father answered. “So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?” the little girl asked. “No,” her father replied. “Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.” The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and…
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Composer Richard Rodgers’ collaborators, Larry Hart and later Oscar Hammerstein II were first-rate lyric writers. He was often asked how they differed. It should be mentioned that Hart was a very short man, about five feet three inches; Rodgers himself was a few inches taller, and Hammerstein was over six feet tall. Said Rodgers, “When I worked with Larry and people recognized us walking together, they’d say, ‘The little fellow is okay, but watch out for the big son-of-a-bitch.’ Now,…
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Stuttering John was, once again, rathered embarrassed at the toothbrush company’s monthly sales meeting. “How many tooth brushes did you sell this month?” asked his sales manager. “I ssssold fffour tttooothbrushes llast month, bboss,” stammered John. “That doesn’t cut the mustard,” shouted the sales manager, “you need to come up with a gimmick if you want to be a successful salesman!’ “Wwhat’s a gggiimmick?” asked John. “You know,” said the sales manager, “anything that will make the customer buy your…
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We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole…
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A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?” The accountant does not answer. The Godfather asks again, “Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?” The attorney interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.” The Godfather says, “Well…ask him where the damn money is”…
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Clancy was brooding over his beer at the barroom and said to his friend, “I tell you, Mulligan, I don’t know what I’m going to do about my wife.” “What is it now?” “The same old thing—money. She’s always asking for money! Only last Thursday, she wanted ten dollars! Yesterday she was around asking for twenty! And this morning, if you please, she demanded fifty dollars!” “What does she do with all the money, for heaven’s sake?” “There’s no way…
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