Th th th Jokes - page 76

The Sick Drunks

One night there were two drunks lying in a ditch, and one had his finger up the other one’s butt. A police officer was driving by and stopped when he saw them. “What are you doing with your finger up his butt?” the policeman asked. The drunk man said, “My friend is sick and I’m trying to make him puke…” The cop said, “You can’t make him puke like that!” The drunk replied, “Like hell I can’t… just wait until…

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Johnny, the little mover

Johnny paints a sign: WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A DIME; then tells his buddy Roy to get his red wagon and both sit under a shade tree in Johnny’s front yard, waiting for business. Kathy, across the street, is not to be outdone: WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A NICKEL; tells Nellie to get her red wagon and both sit in Kathy’s yard. Johnny’s pissed…how dare that GIRL? Then, a flash…and Johnny hauls Roy across the street & says, “Let’s get…

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They have the answer

Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon, the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.…

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The Missing Clock

A man passed away and went to Heaven. Upon arriving at the pearly gates, St. Peter said, “Come on in. I’ll show you around. I really think you’ll like it here.” Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.Surprised at how Heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter “what’s the deal with all the clocks?” St. Peter replied, “they keep track of everybody on…

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Nothing Quite Like Teenage Love!

The inexperienced young man was smitten with the girl who was sitting beside him in his parked car. Looking at her in the light of the full moon, he gently placed his hand on her knee and said, “Angie….I think I love you.” With a knowing smile, she put her hand on his and said, “Higher, Ralph.” Clearing his throat, he said, “Angie….I think I love you!” in a cracked falsetto.

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Keep them handy!

A woman’s car breaks down on the Interstate one day, so she carefully eases it over onto the shoulder, steps out of the car, and opens the trunk. Out jump two men in trench coats, who walk to the rear of the vehicle, where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing themselves to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pile-ups in the history of this highway occurs. It’s not very long before a…

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Three Sisters and a Honeymoon

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on…

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Oops, The Waiter Did It

One evening, a very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant patiently awaiting her date. While waiting, she decided to make sure that she looked perfect for him. So the young lady bends down in her chair in order to get a mirror from her purse. Then just as the waiter walks up, she accidentally farts quite loudly. The lady immediately sat up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place had heard her. Quickly…

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