Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott in June 1849. Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case, it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be possible that the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We think, however, that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott, but…
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A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and is very satisfied with the results. One day he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?” “About 35,” he replies. “I’m actually 47!” the man says, feeling happy. After that he goes into McDonald’s for lunch, and asks the server the…
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The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: “If our chute doesn’t open, and the reserve doesn’t open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?” The jump master looked at him and, in perfect deadpan, answered: “The rest of your life.”
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A husband comes home with a half gallon of ice cream. He asks his wife if she wants some. “How hard is it?” she asks. “About as hard as my dick,” he replies. “OK, then pour me some! ! !”
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My father was in the fertilised egg business when I was young. He had several hundred young layers, called pullets, and 8 or 10 roosters whose job was to fertilise the eggs. My uncle kept records and any rooster or pullet that didn’t perform well went into the pot and was replaced. Now this took an awful lot of time. So when my uncle saw a set of eight tiny bells that each rang a different tone he promptly bought…
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Japanese guy goes into a bureau de Change with 2000 Yen. He exchanges it for $77. He goes away and spends it, and goes back the next day with another 2000 Yen and the cashier this time gives him $62. He looks at his money and says, ‘Why you give me $15 less today?’ The cashier replies, ‘Fluctuations.’ To which he replies, ‘Well, fluck you Amelicans too!’
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A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic’s eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, “Granddaughter? Are you there?” The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, “Grandma? Is that you?” “Yes, Granddaughter, it’s me.” “It’s really, really, you, Grandma?” the woman repeats. “Yes, it’s really me, Granddaughter.” The woman looks…
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A Boeing and an helicopter were discussing their problems. The Boeing said, “You are so lucky. I have to keep my arms outstretched all the time and it really aches.” The helicopter replied, “That’s nothing. I have to keep rotating my arms at a high speed all the time and my condition is worse than yours.” Just then they saw a rocket majestically glide on the horizon. “How lucky he is!” they both sighed. “He has no problems. He flies…
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I had to take my son’s hamster to the vet. Here’s what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was “something wrong” with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. “He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “Oldest trick in the book,” I informed him. “You go in to see what’s wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you…
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Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by…
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