Th th th Jokes - page 494

Win98 Cost Accounting

Microsoft has announced that Win98 will be released with a suggested retail price of $109US. Inside sources have been able to determine the cost of each of the Win98 “features”: $1 – Disk Defragmenter Optimization Wizard $1 – Windows System Update $1 – System File Checker Utility $1 – Windows Tune-Up Wizard $1 – Dr. Watson Utility $1 – New Backup Utility $1 – New Accessibility Tools $1 – FAT32 $1 – Windows 98 HelpDesk $1 – System Troubleshooter $1…

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Trick Or Treat

Top 10 things that sound dirty but aren’t on Halloween… 10. She’s a goblin! 9. I’d like to get a little something in the sack tonight. 8. Just get on your hands and knees and bob your head. 7. She’s got a couple of nice pumpkins on her porch 6. If you just lick it, it’ll last longer. 5. Let me see your big sack! 4. Can I eat your Zagnuts? 3. Have your mom check it before you put…

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A true story…

A true story . . . . When Apollo Mission Astronaut, Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he reentered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.” Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some…

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Read JokeA true story…

Old-age Driver

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!” “Hell,” said Herman, “It’s not just one car, it’s hundreds of them!”

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Read JokeOld-age Driver

You have been a techie too long if . . .

You have had you tech job for too long if: 1)You know all your co-worker’s IP addresses but forget their names 2)You know co-worker’s ICQ # but havent seen them face to face in over a month 3)You send an email as URGENT rather than walking down the hall to talk to the person. 4)You would rather use your breaks to surf the web instead of getting out of your chair 5)You check your email more than 10 times an…

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Growing wild

There was this guy (we won’t mention any names) that really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into his mirror, admiring his body. He noticed that he was tanned all over, with the exception of his “thing”. He decided to do something about that. He went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand, except for his “thing” which he left sticking out. Two little…

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Airline Terms

As you are all aware, the airline industry in which we work has it’s own unique set of terminology. The following are some of the most commonly used terms and their definitions. PASSENGER – A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a “line.” This “line” has no set pattern and…

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Read JokeAirline Terms

Time, Please

Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town, received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why this regularity. “I’m foreman of the local sawmill,” he explained. “Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon, so I call you to get the exact time.” The operator giggled, “That’s really funny,” she said. “All this time we’ve been setting…

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Read JokeTime, Please