Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting. “How are we faring?” asks the king. “Sire,” replies the knight, “I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west.” “What?!” shrieks the king. “I don’t have any enemies to the west!” “Oh!” exclaimed the embarassed knight. “Well, you do now…”
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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they’d rather do it in the back seat of a car.
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What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a buck-fifty, and deer nuts are under a buck.
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For years I lived in places with no trees, so I was thrilled to move to a home in a forest. When a tree shoot began to grow next to our front path, I was delighted, and I pampered the sapling by fertilizing, watering, and offering tender loving care. Yet it appeared to weaken. I poured out more fertilizer, but it still struggled for life. I was baffled. One evening when my room mate and I arrived home, she yanked…
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While my brother-in-law was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, “I know Daddy’s password! I know Daddy’s password!” “What is it? her older sisters asked, eagerly. Proudly she replied, “Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!”
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Three guys were arguing over which profession was established first. The surgeon said, “The Bible says Eve was made by carving a rib out of Adam–that makes mine the oldest job.” The engineer replied, “In six days the Earth was created of chaos–an engineer’s job.” “Yes, but who created the chaos?” asked the politician.
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A certain doctor was making his daily rounds at the hospital. The nurse on duty came up to him with a patient’s file and said, “Doctor, when you changed this patient’s medication, you forgot to sign her file.” The doctor reached behind his ear to retrieve his pen so he could sign the form, but was surprised to find a rectal thermometer there instead. “Shit!” cried the doctor. “Some asshole has my pen!”
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These are actual excuse notes teachers have received; spelling mistakes included. “My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.” “Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.” “Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.” “Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.” “Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out…
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Q. What do u call a deer with no eyes? A. No eye deer Q. What do u call a deer with no legs or eyes? A. Still no eye deer
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One hot day,two roadworkers are laying asphalt on a back country road when a United Nations limousine pulls up next to them,and an official-looking man gets out. He looks at both men and asks, “Parlez-vous francais?” The two men just look at him confused. He then asks, “Usted habla espanol?” Again,they just stare at him. “Sprechen Sie deutsch?”, he asks. No answer. “Parlate italiano?” Still, no reply. Disgusted,the man gets back into the limo,and it quickly drives away. One worker…
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