Th th th Jokes - page 366

Your Profession and You

What does your profession say about you? ======================================= 1. MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales. 2. SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to as “marketing without a degree.” You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like…

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Phone message

My buddy is always trying to come up with out-going messages on his answering machine, which not only entertain callers, but encourage them to leave a message, if only to comment on his weird greetings. Here’s his current message: “Thanks for calling. At the sound of the beep tone, please leave your name, phone number, your street address, the hours you will NOT be home, and a complete description of your stereo equipment.”

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Soap Opera

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times! ——————- Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are…

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my wife is so cold !

.My wife is so cold……. … The mailman slipped on the front walkway. ..I turned off the air conditioner.! ..I leave the ice cream out ! ..Birds fly south ! ..Wolves put on sweaters! ..My backyard was declared the next site of the winter games! ..My attorney was hospitalized with frost-bite !! :)…sdl

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BALL LICKER

Two old guys are sitting on a porch watching a dog lick his balls. First guy sees this and admires the dog and says, “I sure wish I could do that!” And the other guy turns to him and says, “Don’t you think you should pet him first!?”

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No donkeys allowed.

One day John took a dog along with him in a club.When he entered the club,the club members asked “Why you bought the donkey?” John answered,”This is not a donkey, it is a dog.” The club members replied ,”We r’ not taking with you we r’ taking with the dog.”

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dog pile in a bar…

A little fella walks into a bar. Unfortunately there is a pile of dog shit just inside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink. A great big man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of shit, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink. The little guy turns to the big guy and, trying to strike up…

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Is it Yours?

A Pole, an Italian, and a Jew, all first-time fathers-to-be, are pacing nervously in the Maternity Ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding a black baby. “Is it yours?” she asks the Italian. “Certainly not,” he retorts. “Yours?” she asks the Pole, who vigorously denies paternity. “How about you?” she asks the Jew. “Maybe,” he says, glumly. “My wife burns everything.”

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Sick Man

A man phones the office and explains to his boss that he can’t come in to work today because he’s sick. The boss replies, “This is the ninth time this month. Exactly how sick are you?” The man says, “Well, I am in bed with my 12 year old sister!”

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