Th th th Jokes - page 353

Mirror, mirror

One day a gentleman and his wife were shopping in an antiques store when she happened across an old, sadly-tarnished mirror. He was indifferent to the pending purchase, and as the woman haggled over price with the attendant, the history of the mirror was revealed. The attendant stated that this was a magic mirror and any wish which was cast upon it would come true. The only stipulation was that the wish must be asked in the form of a…

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Cajun Medical Terminology

Artery: The study of fine paintings Barium: What you do when C.P.R. fails Benign: What you be after you be eight. Cesarean Section: A district in Rome. Colic: A sheep dog Coma: A punctuation mark Congenital: Friendly Dilate: To live longer Fester: Quicker G. I. Series: Baseball game between soldiers Grippe: A suitcase Hangnail: A coat hook Morbid: A higher offer Nitrate: Lower than the day rate Node: Was aware Organic: Church musician Outpatient: A person who fainted Post-operative: A…

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21 year old screw

A man was walking down a beautiful beach when he sees a girl with no arms and legs crying. He says to her, “Why are you crying?” She says, “I am a 21 year old girl with no arms and no legs and I have never been kissed.” The man, feeling bad for the girl, bends down and gives the girl the softest and most beautiful kiss. The girl was so happy. The man feeling happy about what he did…

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Iraqui Jokes

Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common? A: Nothing, yet. Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off. Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo? A: B-52…F-16…B-2 Q: What is Iraq’s national bird? A: Duck Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats? A: So they can see their Air Force. Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer…

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A push

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s half-past three in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the…

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Sour puss

A woman walks into a confession booth and says, “Forgive me Father for I have sined.” “Whatever troubles you child?” said the Priest. The woman answered, “Last night, my boyfriend came over and we made passionate love five times.” The Priest thought for a moment, then replied, “Go home and suck the juice from five sour lemons.” “Then will I be forgiven?” asked the women. “No,” replied the Priest, “but it will take that big smile off your face.”

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Virus Warning

This virus warning is genuine. There is a new virus going around, called “work.” If you receive any sort of “work” at all, whether via email, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague…DO NOT OPEN IT. This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open “work” or even look at “work” have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter…

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my great uncle

alex:When my uncle dies they will burry him face down henry:why! alex:so he will see where he is going henry:I think a lot of people would go to your uncle’s funeral alex:To make sure he is dead!

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Golf Fanatic

This American golf fanatic always dreamed of playing at St. Andrews, and finally got the chance. Going with his wife, they teed off andhe proceeded to play the best game of his life. After 9 holes, he was 5 strokes under par,and was on cloud nine. On the back nine, he started playing even better,even getting an Eagle on the 16th hole. He was so excited that he ended up slicing the shot on the 17th tee,and as he walked…

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