Th th th Jokes - page 315

Dumbfounded Priest

A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar. After sitting down, ordering, and some chit chat, the priest said, “Have you noticed that there are no women in this bar?” He then realized the truth, “I think we’re in a gay bar.” A man approached and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was dumbfounded, and didn’t know quite what to do. The rabbi leaned over and whispered something in the man’s ear. The man nodded and walked…

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Serious Undertaking

When old Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private little talk. “Please be sure to fasten his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. Our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last…

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Military Bravery

A Colonel, a General, and an Admiral were discussing which military branch had the most balls. The Colonel took the General and Admiral to one of his Air Force bases and told one of the airmen there to jump from a flying plane at 30,000 feet. With a quick salute, the airman did as he was told. He went up in the plane and jumped without a parachute at 30,000 feet and splattered all over the place. The Colonel said…

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Atomic Humor

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a beer?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.” ———————————————- Two atoms are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, “Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”

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TAXI DRIVER

A young woman and Mandy, her 6-year-old daughter, were in New York City trying to hail a cab when the little girl noticed several women who were obviously prostitutes dressed outrageously and loitering seductively on a nearby street corner. A taxi pulled over and Mandy and her mother climbed in. As Mandy’s mother was about to tell the driver their destination, Mandy asked what the ladies on the corner were waiting for. Thinking quickly, her mother replied “They’re waiting for…

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Last Request

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears. He says, “So what’s bothering you, dear?” She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.” The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?” She says, “Aye, That he did, Father…” The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?” She says, “He said, ‘Please, Mary, put down that damn gun…’”

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animal activists

A well-dressed matron swathed in a beautiful leopard fur coat was accosted by a screaming animal activist who yelled, “And what poor creature had to die so you could have that fur coat??” The woman replied, “My aunt in Cleveland.”

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