Th th th Jokes - page 292

Bang You’re Gone

Three gang bangers are shot in an aborted holdup. While awaiting their fate to determine whether they are to go to Heaven or to Hell, they sneak out of the holding zone and arrive at the Pearly Gates where upon they are greeted by St. Peter. “Check it out, bro,” says the lead gang banger to St. Peter. “Dis is where we belong.” “I’m sorry,” replies St. Peter, “but I don’t see any of your names on the admittance list.”…

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Cartoon Laws

Cartoon Law I. Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second^2 takes over. Cartoon Law II. Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on…

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Top 10 Reasons EVE was Created….

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. 8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him. 7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist, or…

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Gramma’s Honeymoon

Our family held a reunion when my mother was 88 years old, with grandchildren and great-grandchildren attending. The talk turned to honeymoons, and my three daughters began to tell about their trips to various popular locations: Las Vegas, Carribean and Niagara Falls. One of my daughters turned to her grandmother and asked, “Gramma, where did YOU go on your honeymoon?” With no hesitation whatsoever, Gramma said, “Upstairs!”

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Dead Frog

One of the teachers had a kindergartner that came up to her and said that he had found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead. The student said it was dead. “How do you know it’s dead?” The boy said, “I pissed in its ear.” The teacher said, “You WHAT?” He said, “You know, I went to his ear and said, ‘PSST!’ and it didn’t move. So it must be dead.”

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Stymied Private

An Army private, filling out a questionnaire for a correspondence course, was stymied by the question, “How long has your present employer been in business?” He thought for a moment, then wrote, “Since 1776.”

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