Th th th Jokes - page 258

Henry’s Dilemma

Henry and his over-developed wife were sitting in the stands waiting for the football game to begin. A friend walked over and said, “Hello Henry,” and gave Henry’s wife’s breast a little squeeze and walked away. A few minutes later another guy walked over and said, “Hello Henry,” then he too, fondled his wife’s breasts and walked on. This strange sequence of events went on for some time. Finally a man sitting next to Henry spoke up, “Listen pal, It’s…

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A Family Decision

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, “You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you’d like to talk about or ask me?” “Well,” he said, “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.” “That’s a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?” “Yeah, and they’re in favor 15 to 2.”

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He should be, and is!

A man was relaxing in his back garden, sitting in the shade, sipping a beer and listening to the radio. As he chilled out, his wife struggled with a manual mower, pushing it up and down the large lawn, sweating and red-faced. The man’s next-door neighbor from England saw the woman battling with the mower and shouted across the fence, “You pathetic excuse for a man! You’re just sitting there sipping your beer while your poor wife cuts the grass.…

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Outrageous charges

A pipe burst in a lawyer’s house, so he called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600. The lawyer exclaimed, “This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a lawyer!.” The plumber quietly replied, “Neither did I, when I was a lawyer.”

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Who’s cheating?

“That wife of mine is a liar,” said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. “How do you know?” the friend asked. “She didn’t come home last night and when I asked her where she’d been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley.” “So?” “So she’s a liar. *I* spent the night with her sister, Shirley.”

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What do you sell?

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.” He thanked her and went back…

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Know Who?

A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor knew her reputation around town. He asked her, “I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?” The girl thought and then asked, “Doc, if you ate a can of baked beans, would you know which bean made you fart?”

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