Th th th Jokes - page 254

A Soldier’s Letters Home

“Dear Dad,” read the young soldier’s first letter home. “I cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear….” Several months later came another letter. “Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I danced with a hula girl….” Two weeks later came yet another note: “Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot…

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DALLAS OR BUST!

There’s a blonde sitting on an airplane when a gentleman walks up and says “Excuse me, miss, but you are sitting in my seat.” The blonde responds, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful and I’m going to Dallas!” and remains seated. The guy says, “But you are sitting in MY seat. You need to find your seat.” She once again says, “I’m blond, I’m beautiful and I’m going to Dallas!” and doesn’t budge. The man is perturbed and calls the flight attendant…

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Cataracts

A Chinese man goes to an optometrist complaining of vision loss. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with your eyes. You have Cataracts,” the doctor says. “No,” says the Chinese man, “I have a Rincoln Continental!”

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Man On Beach

A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on a beach when these three beautful women walk past and notice him. One of the beautiful women felt so sorry for him and askes, “have you ever been hugged?” The man replied, “no” and the beautful woman bent over and gave him a hug. Then the second girl askes, ” have you never been kissed?” The man begins getting really exicited and replys, “No, never!” and the girl bent…

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your mama

your mama so old, she blows powdered milk out her titties. your mama breath so bad, every time she breathes her teeth duck. your mama so funky she had to cut the strings off her tampons to keep the crabs from bungee-jumping.

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A difference you can TASTE!

This man walks into the patent office, places an apple on the desk and says, “I want to patent this apple.” The patent officer informs him that he can’t get a patent on an apple. The gent says, “Taste it.” The officer tastes it and with mild surprise states, “It tastes like an orange. Unfortunately, it still can’t be patented.” Not willing to give up yet, the man asks him to turn it around and taste the other side. The…

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A New Italian Opera!

CLINTON TRAGEDIO AMERICANO (Program notes translated by Rodgers Wood) Cast of Characters: Bill Clinton, tenor – philandering President of the United States Hillary Rodham Clinton, soprano – his long-suffering wife Monica Lewinsky, soprano – a conniving little White House intern Ken Starr, basso – puritanical special prosecutor Henry Hyde, basso – a true believer congressman Linda Tripp, contralto – double-crossing friend of Monica’s Paula Jones, contralto – a wild woman from Arkansas Sam Donaldson, baritone – a television news reporter…

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