Th th th Jokes - page 235

Clinton in hell

PRESIDENT CLINTON DIED AND WENT TO HELL. AT THE GATE HE WAS MET BY THE DEVIL. THE DEVIL SAID, “YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES ON HOW YOU WILL SPEND ETERNITY. THE FIRST BEING YOU CAN RULE YOUR OWN WORLD. THE SECOND IS YOU CAN BE THE ONLY MAN IN A WORLD OF WOMEN.” THINKING OUT LOUD, PRESIDENT CLINTON SAID, “WELL I RULED THE WORLD AS PRESIDENT, BUT EVERY TIME I TRIED TO GET A PIECE OF ASS, KEN STARR HAD TO…

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Ping Pong Ball Contest

A local TV station sponsored a fabulous contest, the grand prize being a 30-day all expense paid trip around the world. Three gentlemen were selected as finalists, and as a final task each were given 14 days to accumulate as many ping pong balls as they could. The three men all set out on their unusual journey. After 5 days the first gentleman returned in a Chevy pickup truck, filled to the top with small white ping pong balls. “Great!…

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3 Little Indians Go To School

When the new school year started, the history teacher was so excited because there were three little American Indian boys in her class. She was beside herself with excitement. So she asked the first little Indian boy to stand up and tell the class what tribe he was from and how he knew this. The little boy stood up and proudly threw out his chest. Then he took his fist and hit it on his chest. He said in a…

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Board Meeting

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the Church Board, following the close of the service. The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total stranger. “You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the Board Members,” explained the minister. “I know,” said the man. “but if there is anyone was who more bored than I was, then I’d like to meet him.”

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Mushrooming

While hiking in the countryside, my friend, Eva, and I spotted a huge bed of mushrooms that we knew to be edible. We gathered a large basketful and sauteed them that night. My husband, Dick, refused to eat them, thinking they might be poisonous. Two weeks later, Eva and I gathered some more mushrooms. This time, Dick joined us. “How is it that you’re eating the mushrooms tonight,” I asked, “when you wouldn’t touch the ones we brought home two…

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Lil Johnny wants a new Bike

Little Johnny was so rotton that his mother didn’t know what to do with him. It was getting close to his birthday and he was demanding a new bicycle. His mother told him that he had been so bad during the year that he wasn’t going to get ANYTHING. He whined and complained and stamped his feet–demanding the bike. His mother, in desperation and just trying to shut him up, said, “Why don’t you write a letter to Jesus and…

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Why Nagging a Man Doesn’t Work!

What a woman says: ?This place is a mess! C?mon, you and I need to clean up, your stuff is lying on the floor and you?ll have no clothes to wear if we don?t do laundry right now!? What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah, C?MON blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW

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SNEAKY SNAKE

This really happened in 1976. A woman saw a snake slithering across her kitchen floor and screamed for her husband. Husband comes running out of the bathroom and stepped on the dog. Husband gets down on the kitchen floor to look for the snake. Dog comes up behind and as his cold nose touches the husband he faints thinking it is the snake. Wife calls paramedics who rush to the scene and load husband onto stretcher. Snake decides to make…

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