Ted Jokes - page 149

This REALLY happened!!!!!

(Colorado Springs) A Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “I don’t believe you are over 21. ” The robber said he was, but the…

(1)Loading...

Read JokeThis REALLY happened!!!!!

Call Guinness

Three midgets were sitting at a tavern one afternoon. One of the midgets, sat quietly,staring at his hands for the longest time. Before long his friend asked him,” Hey, what the hell are you doing?” “Well”, he exclaimed, “I was just noticing that I have the smallest hands of anyone I have ever seen!” ” Oh yeah”, said his partner, “you think that’s bad you should see my feet” Just then the third midget returned from the restroom and questioned,…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeCall Guinness

Why Bras Are Better Than Men

They’re supportive. They’re uplifting. They help you to achieve new heights. You expect to find them in your underwear drawer. If they’re too uptight, it’s easy to loosen them up. You can let them under your shirt on a first date. It’s legal to lock them in the dryer. They coordinate with your underwear (not to be confused with men, who are coordinated once in your underwear). If you outgrow them, it’s easy to throw them away and get a…

(2)Loading...

Read JokeWhy Bras Are Better Than Men

Boy Gets Even

The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers first. Finally, he got around to the youngster who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car. “What TOOK you so long, son?” he asked. “The man waited on everybody else in the store before me,” the boy replied. “Why?” “I don’t know, but I wound and set all the…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeBoy Gets Even

New Word Creation

A big-city newspaper asked readers to take any word from the dictionary and alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some of the winners: ———————————— “Reintarnation” Coming back to life as a hillbilly. ———————————— “Foreploy” Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. ———————————— “Giraffiti” Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. ———————————— “Sarchasm” The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it. ———————————— “Inoculatte”…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeNew Word Creation

Goat for Dinner

This young couple invited their parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their young son what they were having. “Goat,” the little boy replied. “Goat?” replied the startled man of the cloth. “Are you sure about that?” “Yep,” said the youngster. “I heard Pa say to Ma, ‘Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.’”

(1)Loading...

Read JokeGoat for Dinner

Jewish Country Western Titles

TOP 20 JEWISH COUNTRY-WESTERN SONG TITLES 20. “If You Want to Play in Tel Aviv, You Gotta’ Have a Clarinet in the Band” 19. “I’ve Got Your Yarmulke, She’s Got You” 18. “You Put Out All The Candles On The Menorah Of My Heart” 17. “Achey-Breakey Matzoh” 16. “I Got Friends in Low Synagogues” 15. “My New Rabbi’s Named Jack Daniels” 14. “Bubba Shot the Cantor” 13. “Honkey Tonk Nights on the Golan Heights” 12. “My Rowdy Friend Elijah’s Comin’…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeJewish Country Western Titles

Pete & Larry

Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years. Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives. Finally, Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment. “I got a wife and three kids and I’d love to have you visit us.” “Great. Where do you live?” “Here’s the address. And there’s plenty of parking behind the apartment. Park and come around to the front…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokePete & Larry

Custody or Candy

In a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court. But custody of the children was a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. The old mountaineer also wanted custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story…

(0)
Loading...

Read JokeCustody or Candy