Ted Jokes - page 215

MEGA NOVICE #3

Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer rather badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape?

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Teacher

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked”What’s so funny,Pat?” “I just saw one of your garters!” “Get out of my classroom” she yells,”I don’t want to see you for three days!” The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she…

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Sore Testicles

There was a midget who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend suggested that he go to the doctor and see what he could do to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor. The doctor told him to drop his pants, and he would have a look. The midget did this, and the doctor put him up onto the examining…

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Per-PET-ual Motion

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, “Come on, a dog?” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way! A cat certainly can’t do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!” The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, “I’ve got it! A centipede!” The man says, “A…

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bumper stickers

you ever see those bumper stickers that say: “my teen son is an honor student at polk high school. I think they should be more true to life. “My child molester teen is enrolled at the Michael jackson university of Molesting arts ” “I am a proud father of Inmate #ymenjail666 at the Appalachian county juvenile detention center”. “I am aproud father of an aids infested, cross-dressing, ufo believing ,crack head at I am always high school”. “My 13 year…

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